Review

Keanu stars as John Constantine, a chain-smoking, alcoholic, lung-cancer having, exorcist who can see the true demons in everyday life. Constantine spends his days fighting the demons of the world, hoping to achieve retribution and be allowed into Heaven. See, John has a secret: He has been to hell, miraculously escaped, and he never wants to go back there again. Unfortunately what he did to get there has cost him the ability to get into Heaven. Constantine has been diagnosed with lung cancer, which leaves him little time to make amends with God and keep his sorry ass out of the fire-pit. The problem Constantine has is that God still doesn't want him. Constantine only helps those cursed with demonic possession out of a selfish need to save his own eternal ass. Not because he cares, not because of a devotion to God. He wants to keep out of Hell and thinks if he does this enough, God can't keep him out.

Enter Rachel Weisz as Angela Dodson. When Angela's twin sister dies under mysterious circumstances, she begins to see revelations that lead her to Constantine as the only one that can help her figure out what happened. Rachel Weisz does fine in her role, even if it is one-dimensional. Angela is really only a tool to propel the story forward. And when I say story, I say that very loosely.

The whole plot of this film is basically this, and see if you can follow: Jesus was actually killed by a spear. This spear has been found and being brought to (talk about convenient) L.A. where it will be used to bring about the rising of Satan's son. Oh yea, and Angela will be a major element to this component as well. Umm, and only Constantine can stop it. Yep, I think that pretty much covers it.

Keanu, Keanu, Keanu. Sometimes you really have to wonder what this dude is thinking. I know you hear his friends and movie stars in interviews who say how smart he is, how the general public does not realize what a deep and spiritual person he is and what a "great" actor he can be. I think his friends smoke a lot of leafy madness.

Don't get me wrong, I actually like Keanu and several of the guys' movies I think are great. Speed was a great summer, popcorn flick. Matrix (and I ONLY refer to the first one) is probably one of the best action-flicks of all time. I am also a huge fan of Devil's Advocate, I thought it was very entertaining and Keanu did pretty well as the devil's son. The guy CAN act when he needs to. There is a little film called The Gift from several years ago where Keanu played the best redneck, wife-beater in recent memory. That sounds condescending, but his work in that film was very impressive. So why does he still strike me as a reefer smoking, surfer boy? He often seems just a little spacey and lost. Like he doesn't want to really be in whatever film he is doing. Maybe that is just the way he talks, I don't know. In the right film, Keanu does exceptional. But in the wrong role, as he often chooses, it can be down right annoying. Once again, Keanu has picked the wrong role.

It never gets passed issue one of the comic in terms of deep thought

So why did I think Keanu chose poorly? Well, to start with, John Constantine (based on the "Hellblazer" comic books) is hard-boiled. He is supposed to be tough, nonchalant, sarcastic and blazing through life with a big middle finger in the air. Keanu is just not the guy to bring that to life. He tries, don't get me wrong. I just never bought it. Trust me, when you leave the theater, and you start to think of tough-as-nails actors with balls the size of tractor tires Keanu still won't pop in your head. He seems like a frat-boy with a really bad nicotine addiction.

Also, the story is retarded and what's worse, hard-to-follow. I love when a film gives you the pieces and you have to wait till the end to see the puzzle. But I do require that the puzzle makes some iota of sense. The entire film you are given a piece here and a piece there only to come to an ending that is completely idiotic. It was just a lot of yapping and moping. We do get a nice appearance from Satan himself and Gabriel (the cast out Angel) as well as trips through both Heaven and Hell. Aside from that, pointless.

Not to say I absolutely loathed the film, there were a few bright spots. Shia Labeouf as sidekick-in-the-making Chas provided more than a few much-needed laughs. Satan was pretty creepy, in that "man-in-a-van-with-candy" type way. The special effects, especially the trip through hell, were phenomenal. But overall, the film was just a waste of good potential.

Or maybe my basic lack of enjoyment stems from the fact that during a Keanu Reeves flick I have a one "WHOA" requirement. Yea, that was probably all it was.