Review

[u]Enzino Scream Team[/u]

It's not all campfire songs at Camp Crystal Lake. In 1957, a young boy drowns. In 1958, a young couple are brutally murdered. And in 1980 it's the present day. A group of camp counsellors are working on fixing up the camp in order to reopen the place. Must be cheaper than hiring tradesmen; how's the public liability there, Steve?

The locals, crazy Ralph and Enos the truck driver, have warned against Camp Crystal Lake coming online again, but will young kids listen ....? Not on your life ... or theirs. Someone is out to stop the gala day opening, and is going to stop that opening Voorhees style. Hold onto your hat, we're visiting the Lake!

[u]Jethro[/u]

At Camp Crystal Lake, 1958, a teenage couple sneak off to a secluded barn in a probable attempt to escape a horrendous group sing-a-long. Naturally being teenages a bit of hide the sausage is on the cards. Unfort for our couple some one else is in the barn and decides to make em pay for their liason.

Twenty two years later the camp is being re-opened and a whole new batch of teenagers are being trained up as camp counsellors. Named Camp Blood by the locals Camp Crystal Lake has a reputation which doesn't included anything about happy campers.

Anyways a lot of time is spent on an unseen stalker who gradually reduces the counsellors to LGS, (Last Girl Standing), before we find out who's doing the reducing. A final confrontation ends the movie, though Cunningham did tack on a bit at the end in case anyone thought he hadn't checked out *cough*Carrie*cough*.

Hmmm a slasher movie, let's do some slicing and dicing of our own.

[u]Enzino Scream Team[/u]

Couldn't locate a good creature feature for today's fare, so the team opted for one of the classic horror movies. Down Blockbuster way they didn't have that classic, so instead we went with Friday the 13th. As opposed to the previous reviewer here, we all actually got a kick out of the movie. So here's our take on the film, hope you enjoy the review.

Friday kicks off with a revisit to 1958. A couple flee the terror of a camp sing-a-long and head on over to the barn to indulge themselves in a bit of heavy petting. We're going with that cause it's 1958 and sex wasn't condoned outside marriage. Or probably in marriage by the Anglicans either. Observing our couple getting into it is the Psycho POV which we'll get used to in the course of the movie.

[Movie Geek Dan: Note they are already using the "ki ki ki ma ma ma" signature piece by the great Harry Manfredini.]

The camera advances on our nocturnal couple, who are quickly re-arranging their clothes. This doesn't appease our Psycho, possibly an Anglican, and to some slow motion camera work, dude gets done, and is quickly followed by chick. We actually get a freeze frame here, then a whiteout, till finally we are informed it's Friday June 13th, Present Day. We're assuming this is June 1979 or 1980.

[Dirty Dan: Totally wasted chance of a boobs shot!]

Paramount went wide release to the howls of protest from feminist groups, naturally this meant the movie gained a wider Audience.

[Femme Helen: This isn't as icky as I thought it might be]

We open proper in a neat picturesque town which looks like the sort of place I would want to buy a house. Assuming that the town wasn't within shouting distance of a lake with ill repute of course. A chick wearing a back pack wonders through Main Street and drops into a diner to enquire about the location of Camp Crystal Lake. The locals are shocked and one of them refers to Camp Blood, dum da dum! Truck Driver Enos offers to drive Annie, as we learn her name is, to the turnoff to Camp .... uhmmm .... Blood (that'll save some typing).

On the way out to the truck, Enos and Annie run into the town crazy, Ralph, who is on about death curses and the like. He blows his cool by jumping on a chick's bike and pedalling away. Clearly a few roos loose in the top paddock says I, and so does Enos.

Aboard the Eston Oil Supply truck, TP Q&A right there gentle reader, Enos starts in about the camp being jinxed. Boy drowned in 57, couple killed in 58, numerous fires, wrath of God, that sort of thing. Annie isn't perturbed and is following her dream. Apparently, in 1980 chicks really wanted to cook for lots of kids and counsellors, go figure. Perky little thing is Annie btw. Actually have my doubts about Enos at this early stage of the movie, seems a tad too friendly if you get my drift.

[Dirty Dan: It's F13th so nope, Jason Voorhees, dude; everyone knows that!]

[Movie Geek Dan: Incorrect, but Enos isn't our psycho]

Moving along team, Enos drops Annie at the turnoff to Camp Blood and motors on down the highway to face his future, which might or might not involve shades. In what's got to be a tongue-in-cheek moment the turnoff is right next to a cemetery. Sorry, didn't catch the name of the bone yard there.

00:12:08 and fark, it's Kevin Bacon !!!! Betcha this one isn't on the old Kev's resume! He's heading to Camp Blood with some chick, assumed girlfriend, and what is clearly the odious comic relief for the movie.

We cut to some shirtless dude (steady gals) chopping wood as Kev and the Scooby gang drive up. Shirtless Dude, Steve something or other, immediately starts barking orders like some army guy, making a complete prat out of himself in the process. Limited life expectancy would be my call. Anyways, Kev's posse includes Marcie and Ned. We also get to meet another of our victims, Alice. Actually, she gets my vote for LGS (Last Gal Standing).

Alice turns out to be quite the artist, and Steve is hitting on her. In an improbable scene, he's almost humping her leg. Must be LGS since they don't immediately get nekkid and go at it like rabbits - which is actually a relief, judging from Steve's non-gym appearance.

Cut to some dude named Bill painting something on the lake. Haven't pegged Bill, as he's pretty nondescript in this scene. Needs thinner or something, which Alice promises to remind Steve to get, thus confirming her LGS credentials.

Cut to Trudy (I think) putting up archery targets. Odious comic relief immediately fires an arrow at a target, only just missing Trudes. *PLOT FORESHADOW ALERT*. Surprisingly, Ned doesn't lose his left testicle for this joke, as Trudy sees the humour in it.

We next cut to Annie (remember her) - who is picked up by someone driving a jeep. We follow with (I'm guessing) some character development, as Annie prattles on about nothing important and confirms that even though she is perky, she's also very boring. Annie notes that they have passed the driveway to Camp Blood, and asks the driver to stop. This doesn't happen, and Annie ends up having to do a dive out of the jeep. She injures her leg in the process, which might help explain the next scene.

Annie limps into the woods pursued by Psycho POV and threatening music. 00:21:23 Victim number 1, as Annie falls prey to our still unseen psycho. Actually, Cunningham is doing pretty well in hiding the identity of our psycho up to this point.

All righty, we're cutting to the lake with chicks in bikinis and Kev in the ball huggers; it's ladies night at Camp Blood by the look of things in Part 1. Psycho POV looks on...

00:23:00 Whoa Kev's got a stiffy, honest to god the Bacon missile of love is ready to launch here !!!!!!!

Some more odious comic relief... and we cut to Alice doing whatever in her cabin. OMG there's a snake, and not the one in Kev's ball hugging Speedos!!!! Mass confusion till finally Bill grabs a machete and cuts the snake in half. Wait for it .... Alice: "Is it dead?" Outstanding dialogue moment.... okay, so Bill is action dude; check!

[Movie Geek Dan: Cinematic history, the first appearance of a machete in the F13th franchise].

We'll cut a few scenes here as they really don't do much; more of crazy Ralph being the prophet of doom and such. The only noteworthy part is the observation that they will have to use the camp generator as the lines to the town supply are dodgy. Apparently Steve, who has hived off into town, taught Kev how to run the generator ... when was that exactly?

00:33:00 Ned notes someone at the door to a cabin: Victim # 2, though totally off screen and implied.

We cut to Kev and Marcie and find out all about Marcie's dream of the rain turning to blood. Probably interesting in a foreshadowing way, I guess. The required electrical storm has now entered the camp folks. Marcie and Kev flee the rain to their cabin. Pretty soon Marcie is down to her knickers, and it's looking like Kev is going to get lucky!!!!!

00:37:00 We cut to Alice, Bill, and Brenda getting down to a game of strip monopoly. Guess it helps pass the time in the woods late at night. Considering our threesome are getting into drugs, booze, and clearly nekkid happenings pretty soon, Alice is looking less likely to be our LGS.

We cut to Kev and Marcie who are doing the wild thing. 00:38:00 the nekkid Bacon buttocks being fondled!!!!! It is definitely ladies night! Spoke too soon, a quick flash of boobs to keep the guys happy as Marcie shows off her rack.

Cut to our monopoly game of lust, then back to Kev and Marcie. Having finished shagging Kev, Marcie is prancing around in her white knickers on the way to use the bathroom ... which ... dum da dum ... is in another cabin.

Kev lights up the required joint, before becoming Victim # 3 in a scene clearly indicating psychos out Camp Blood way do not have to conform to the same laws of physics as the rest of us. There's no way in hell that arrow could have fitted under the bed, in a vertical position. And as for Ned occupying the top bunk, well yeah, I wouldn't have spotted a corpse up there either.

In what can only be termed teleportation, our psycho inducts Marcie into the Camp Blood Victims club in the bathroom cabin. Make that Victim # 4, and no machete usage by the psycho.

Cutting to our hardcore monopoly night club, Alice is saved from taking off her shirt by what might have been a scream, thus reaffirming Alice as LGS. The gals get Bill topless, the dudes get Brenda in a pretty unfortunate bra and knicker set. The 1980s weren't kind on lingerie, kiddies.

Steve, having left all the work to his unsupervised sex-crazed counsellors, decides to head back to Camp Blood. You really don't want to poke too many holes in this diner scene, as it frankly makes no friggin sense at all!

Brenda heads to bed, shite that's one huge nightie ... wtf are you thinking Cunningham?! There's this sort of freaky "Help me" coming from out in the night somewhere. Think the original The Fly, and you will be on our wavelength with how this sounds. Brenda heads off into the night to help out whoever is doing cheap horror movie impersonations, and ends up at the archery range. Victim # 5 as a plot foreshadow comes home to roost.

Cut to big bad Steve, who had broken down and was picked up by a roving sheriff. He confides in the law officer that he's slightly concerned about his six counsellors. Well, disregarding the logic of leaving them to their own devices, Steve also displays a woeful grasp of fundamental maths. By our count five counsellors have already bitten the bullet, and with Bill and Alice still with the living that would make it seven!!! Guess he's discounting Annie, who hadn't arrived when he went AWOL on us.

00:57:00 Bill and Alice finally start working out they may be missing a few things, like their fellow workmates for starters.

On the hour, Steve gets dropped off at the Camp Blood driveway as the law dude needs to check a road accident or something. Steve notes a torch and recognises the person holding the torch. Notch up Victim # 6 as Steve gets a nasty surprise. Interesting plot point, but we still don't know who our psycho is. Cunningham is shrouding his nutter with some mastery here.

Our second plot foreshadow happens as the generator suddenly goes down, taking the lights with it. Bill, being the dude of action, heads on out to check on what's up.

[Femme Helen: This confirms the fact that most victims in slasher movies are improving the gene pool by their demises.]

[Movie Geek Dan: Cool use of ki ki ki ma ma ma and pretty dramatic music for the psycho appearances.]

After some minutes (she was asleep) Alice decides to make coffee, as you do when all your friends are missing, and you were going to call for help and such. She decides to go check on Bill, who has spent an inordinately long time over in generator-ville. OMG, Bill is hanging around nailed by arrows. Folks, we have our LGS!!!!

Alice hurtles back to the main cabin and barricades herself in, smart gal this one. She also tools up with a baseball bat and a meat fork. You go, gal!!!!!!

All righty, Cunningham breaks with typical horror traditions right here, right now. Normally we would expect a spring-loaded animal, usually a cat, to make a sudden appearance. Instead, Cunningham has Brenda's body come flying in through a window. Outstanding take on an old standby shock tactic!

Okay, someone pulls up outside and Alice thinks it's Steve and starts taking down her barricade. Actually, this is pretty dumb when you think about it. Alice doesn't know Steve is toast, and for sure doesn't know where he's been while the body count has been mounting. Once outside, Alice runs into ......

We'll leave it right here with 20 or so minutes to go, in order not to give away any spoilers. The psycho, once revealed, gives a pretty chilling performance however ....

Jethro

Cunningham readily admits the motivation behind F13th was money. Halloween went blockbusters so why not copy that bad boy. Unfort Cunningham completely lacks Carpenter's style and direction ability. F13th is a rather drab and plain movie, with only the stalker's point of view being of dubious merit.

Writer Victor Miller turned in a script that must have taken him all of five minutes to knock up. Badly written, badly ploted, and fill of ideas ripped off from Carpenter's masterpiece. Unfort Miller like Cunningham lacks Carpenter's abilities. There is no character development, and nothing even approaching tension.

The only Actor doing his/her reputation any good is Betsy Palmer who surprisingly takes the role of Mrs Voorhees in this outing. Look for an appearance by a young Kevin Bacon as well. Everyone else either over acts grossly or is completely wooden in their roles.

Harry Manfredini turned in the instantly recognisable score for this one, including the infamous ki ki ki, Ma Ma Ma. Probably the only really decent thing about the movie really.

Eye Candy is actually pretty restricted in the first of the F13th franchise movies. The Gals get a treat with Kevin Bacon showing off his bum. The guys get nothing l can remember, though they sure do get the goods from the 2nd movie onwards.

Enzino Scream Team

Did we enjoy the movie? You betcha we did. As opposed to some of the more explicit movies currently doing the rounds, F13th doesn't focus on torturing anyone, and the murders are pretty quick and not overly prolonged. There's more of a tension involvement thing happening in this movie, with plenty of Psycho POV shots, and the invariable unmasking of the reasons for the mayhem.

Overall the movie does have gore, but it's not dwelt on or the single focus of the movie. F13th is more about stalking and people in peril than simply people being killed off for the audience's amusement. We had a high old time trying to figure out who was the psycho, and who was going to front the psycho at the end. For the record, Enos is in the clear.

We will probably dive on into the next instalment at some later stage, but probably after a few of our more regular creature feature outings. Friday the 13th was actually a hoot, so if you don't mind the odd slasher then check it out! The movie isn't as bad as people make it out to be.

Jethro

Friday the 13th is not the worse slasher epic out there. Considering the dreck that surfaced post F13th's release we could even view it as a classic of the subgenre. As a movie it's simply diabolical.

Surprisingly Paramount picked up the movie for major release, no doubt seeing a dollar in it. The movie has therefore earned a reputation that far exceeds it's actual merits as a motion picture. Short, brutal, and nasty would be a better view of F13th.

Unfort for the horror genre the slasher movie has attracted exactly the wrong type of fanbase, and allowed a whole lot of bad writers and movie makers to get involved in the business. This crowd have little to no appreciation of the genre and inhabit it's fringes. They are the type of people likely to be attracted to any movie which promises violent and gory deaths.

Catch the movie to see what inspired a thousand wannabees, don't expect a film opus full of quality.