Parked Review
Review“Oh I understand... I understand you're a twisted little bitch!” – Lt. Det. KraftWe’re getting kind of spoilt Down Under at the moment with a whole bunch of titles suddenly arriving on our doorsteps that for no apparent reason weren’t on the release schedules in this Country prior to last year. Candyman 3 (CM3) is a case in point and has been released with little to no fanfare, which isn’t all that surprising really given the quality of the movie. I was hunting around JB to see if any of the late 2007 movies had been released yet and wandered across the single copy gathering dust on a back shelf. Yes I knew the film wasn’t likely to be much cop but being a completist simply had to dial in to check it out. Is the movie as bad as the reviewers are claiming? Let’s check it out. Caroline McKeever is hoping her art exhibition goes well, seeing as it involves the work of one of her ancestors, Daniel Robitaille. She’s also dreaming about the death of her mother, so you know this can’t be good. We quickly learn that Daniel Robitaille is the “Candyman” of legend, and Caroline recites his name in front of a mirror five times at the art exhibition. A bit of a publicity stunt later and everyone is downing champagne and having a high old time. Of course this can’t last, and as the bodies mount police attention turns to Caroline. In a development we saw in the first film, it ends up with Caroline versus Candyman and there's a civilian’s life at sake. A movie that has lost the power of the first couple in the series ensues. Ready to see where Candyman pops up this time? It sure as hell won’t be Cabrini Green. If you have seen the first two Candyman movies then you have pretty much seen the third one, albeit in superior style. CM3 borrows the descendant storyline from the second movie, and throws it into the blender with a huge dollop of the lead protagonist from the first movie. A quick buzz later and we have a martini of a movie that someone forgot to add the alcohol to. Both of the previous movies are eons ahead of CM3 in terms of quality and it was a real mistake to remind viewers of that fact. Turi Meyer is trying his best here but is restricted via his television résumé. Meyer simply doesn’t seem to know how to make it all work for the big screen and blows most scenes in terms of chills and spills. For no apparent reason they have added in the racial angle that sort of got alluded to in the first movie with a solid sub plot that you needed to dig for. This time it’s nasty white bread policeman Kraft having a problem with Latinos and anything remotely resembling inter racial relationships. I was somewhat taken back by this to be honest, as it all felt tacked on in order to sign post the fact that the Candyman wasn’t the only person Caroline would need to deal with in the film. Besides which, the racist police officer is so thoroughly trite in modern horror that you only do a disservice to your movie by including the plot device. Director Meyer seems to have missed Candyman 101 class and simply has no idea as to why the first movie is a cult classic, and the second has its supporters. Whereas in those films the horror is slowly built up with the menace implicit in the titular character – and who doesn’t get a chill down their spines when Tony Todd rumbles his lines out in that gravely voice? – in CM3 Meyer has turned Candyman into a Jason Voorhees stand in. That’s right folks, we have gone solidly slasherville here, with a send in the clowns approach. This simply doesn’t work, and especially when Meyer is at pains to regurgitate the background story on how Candyman came to be. CM3 spends much of its time trying to be all shock rock on us – you know, the sudden movement accompanied by ear shredding music – while at other times trying to channel the ghost of the first movie with prolonged Candyman appearances (anyone else get sick of hearing the line “Be my victim” in CM3, btw?). What this dual approach does is blow any chance of build-up or pace in CM3; the total movie is a shambles in terms of any beat Meyer may have been trying for. In places the movie lags, it’s too quick elsewhere, and simply doesn’t work for much of its screen time. There was a novel addition of the Latino “day of the dead” thing, and I certainly learnt what that was about, but Meyers seems unable via script or visuals to nail home the reference and get it happening. Sure we all got the mom thing, belaboured to the point of flogging dead equines, but really more should have been made of this angle. A trite ending that sort of ties everything off neatly is the curdled cream on top of this particular sundae; forensics won’t dispute that wrap up? Tony Todd reprises his Candyman role and looks for all the world like he wished he was somewhere else, perhaps the dark side of the moon given the rather dull performance the Todd man throws on. You simply can’t blame him, as some of the dialogue he gets to spit out sounds like it’s recycled from Star Wars: “It is your destiny!” Sorry, is that a lightsabre in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? Donna D’Errico (Caroline), thespian of Baywatch fame, simply shows off the girls in a series of tight tank tops and figures if that’s okay for the Hoff then it should be okay for a trite “B” grade horror flick. Sorry Donna, lose the top and you might be talking, or we may be getting your points (hehehehehe), but even “B” grade horror has its standards. Those standards would be far above D’Errico’s acting ability by the by. To round out a rather silly cast (no-one is enhancing their cred here), Alexia Robinson (Tamara) gets to reprise the best friend role from the first movie. I have a whole new respect for Regina Hall from those Scary Movie … uhmm … movies as she has nailed the horror tendency to have a sister in the hood. T&A is restricted to Donna D’Errico going twin peaks on us with those tank tops, the gals get Tony Todd pulling open the trench coat but it ain’t a magic moment. Adam Gorgoni did the score which is perhaps the worst exhibition since someone thought it would be really cool to go disco on us with Friday the 13th Part 3. For example, during the opening credits we have a hip hop jive going down as the camera spends way too long on Candyman’s hook, wtf, is the dude going to lay a rap down or something! Well the best I can say is that I have now seen all three Candyman movies and know why everyone pretty much thinks the third one is crap. While not expecting something sensational from a straight to DVD outing I would have at least expected a new twist in the tail rather than a simple regurgitation of the first two films. End of day, Candyman 3 comes across as unnecessary rather than totally pointless. And why the hell are the Candyman’s descendants all white bread anyway? On Feb 23rd 2008 at one of Fango’s horror-lite conventions, Tony Todd openly admitted he didn’t like the third Candyman movie, which is slightly less impressive than Clive Barker who is more open with his views on exactly what the studio system has done with his creation. A couple of years ago the rumour emerged on the net that Clive Barker was in the process of putting together a fourth movie in the series, which was diligently reported by numerous horror web sites who should have known better. As normal with internet rumours the reality didn’t match the breathless reporting and nothing eventuated. We’ll keep an eye on developments but as ever will wait on confirmation before doing a Harry Knowles and claiming inside knowledge. In short, don’t believe half the shite movie websites throw up there, kids. No recommendation on Candyman 3; the movie is trite, stupidly paced, with a left field brain-dead ending that can be seen lumbering over the hill. Simply an exercise in squeezing a few more bucks out of movie fan pockets, the studio should be ashamed of themselves to be honest. Oh wait, they followed up with The Blair Cloverfield Marketing Project so being ashamed doesn’t come into it when there’s bucks to be made. The movie is at least aptly named; it’s pretty much dead before the starting credits roll.
ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ... How can a franchise go down hill so quickly?
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