Talk us through itYoung Tim Jensen is frightened by all sorts of things in his bedroom, at night, when the lights are out. We could of course put this down to the normal night terrors kids go through as things in their room take on malevolent properties, but there were all those freaky stories Tim’s Dad told him at bed time. Having scared the kid half to death, Dad decides to check out Tim’s room one night to prove the boogeyman doesn’t exist. Talk about the surprise of your life, Dad is sucked into Tim’s closet by something barely seen and that’s all she wrote, he’s never seen again. Flash forward fifteen years and Tim is an editor at some magazine apparently not worth mentioning the name of. He still has a phobia about closets but has the hot blond girlfriend to compensate. Normally you would imagine the two would be mutually exclusive. While staying over at his possible future in-laws’ pile Tim is seemingly visited by the ghost of his mother. Turns out she has just died and against his girlfriend’s protest Tim is headed back to his childhood home to get his mother’s things in order and to face his childhood trauma. Can Tim overcome his mental issues, are ghosts real, and do we really care? A sort of half decent movie ensues, there was a much better one just waiting to get out of the one we actually got.
Review“When you're afraid, close your eyes and count to five. Sometimes it works for me.” – TimBack in the day quite a few of us were getting excited by Sam Raimi hitting the horror vibe with his new company Ghost House Pictures. We were expecting a return to the Evil Dead cabin and a whole well-needed kick up the arse for the horror genre. Unfortunately we then got to see some product and it wasn’t pretty. In fact Raimi’s new studio simply repeated the same sins as the major studios and was unapologetic in doing so. Boogeyman in simple terms is yet another teen-orientated horror movie that uses all the standard techniques to try and scare thirteen year olds who just might have never seen another horror movie in their lives. The major crime here is that just under the surface a bloody good movie lurks, not that Director Kay has the ability to unearth it of course. Maybe the Kiwi Director fell foul of the Boredwood Studio system and couldn't make the movie he wanted? The movie starts with the false promise that we could be in for a good time, sort of brought to mind Darkness Falls and that whole shooting off your big guns and leaving nothing in reserve vibe. A young, and obviously terrified, Tim is in bed at night and the things in his room take on other worldly shapes and movements. I only tend to get this happening after a tequila night at the Coco Cabana, but people can inform me it does happen if you are in the right frame of mind. Anyway, in a well-constructed scene Director Kay gives menace to various things in Tim’s room, culminating in the dressing gown of terror. Dad eventually makes the scene, hey after planting the seeds of terror in his son’s mind, and does that sort of checking under the bed etc thing only American parents are called on to do. Long story short, something in the closet drags dear old Dad into another dimension or something, the movie isn’t clear on this part. Good effective start, this movie is rocking, but then it’s all downhill faster than Paris Hilton movie offers. Director Kay has all these crazy angles happening throughout the running time of Boogeyman, which work in the opening scene to add a surreal feel to things, but are overstaying their welcome by about the half way point of the movie. What exactly is the point of all these angles in every freaking scene, are we meant to deduce the main character is having acid flashbacks or something? Was the cameraman starting each day at the Tavern on the Green? Your guess is as good as mine, the simple point is that the approach becomes tedious and utterly irritating after prolonged exposure. Leaving aside the dodgy camerawork, the Director spends the rest of his movie throwing on sudden jump scenes (you can tell they are coming due to the music being pumped up), quick cutting, and if I’m not mistaken a slight bit of strobe effect in some of the “action” scenes. This is all meant to heighten the tension as Tim checks out yet another wardrobe – how many can one house have? – but really doesn’t do much to get us shit scared of the hanging shirt of ultimate evil. Well okay if the shirt hadn’t been ironed then Molly housewife might have clenched her butt cheeks in horror, the rest of us will be checking our watches. 
Not content with the thing in the closet – there’s a joke waiting to happen there – Kay has to bugger around with a whole bunch of ghosts. The salient question here is why? Well okay, he needed to pad out the running time till the lacklustre resolution, but still you have to wonder. Tim gets a visitation one evening from recently departed Mom warning him about things left unresolved and the like. And hey if that isn’t a heavily made up Lucy Lawless, lesbian icon. Not content with the shade of Mom, always wanted to drop the shade word in a review for some reason, the Director also has the ghost of a little girl (former victim of the boogeyman), and a whole bunch of other children in a single scene (also victims of the boogeyman). If you are wondering if we might be on a certain ranch with the thing in the closet being either a monkey or someone about to burst into a rendition of “I’m Bad” then don’t mention names as Michael Jackson might be offended. Running out of room here so a couple of more issues I had with the movie before wrapping it up in Christmas paper. What was with the “Do you want to come out” scene between Tim and Franny? Anyone else note that clearly takes place on a sound stage, is surreal, and is trying with all its might to channel the German Expressionist movies of the 1930s? Are we meant to note the Director is referencing James Whale’s Frankenstein or something? Dumb scene regardless and took me right out of the movie. While on the subject of bad filmmaking technique, for God’s sake don’t introduce slow motion to a flick that is already dragging its arse like a wet weekend in Hobart. It just becomes incredibly dull and painful. The director, besides having no idea of pacing, also plays around with the timelines and an insane notion that Tim can enter a closet in one location and exit a closet in a completely different location. Either the writers had got themselves in a corner and couldn’t think of a way out, or they had no idea what an absolutely stupid idea that was. We even get, for no good reason – we just sat through the movie, morons – voiceovers rehashing things. Bit of continuity hell right there as we get lines of dialogue being voiced that haven’t actually been spoken yet! Barry Watson (Tim) reminded me of Booger circa Revenge of the Nerds and is woefully badly cast. He simply didn’t work in the role and irritated the hell out of me for some reason. Emily Deschanel (Kate) didn’t get to do much besides being the childhood friend never referenced in the opening of the movie. Skye McCole Bartusiak (Franny) was real good as the ghost who doesn’t realise she has passed on to the other side. And finally Tory Mussett (Jessica) plays the irritating hot blonde girlfriend that the casting agency somehow decided the audience would believe would spend more than five minutes with Tim. Forget T&A, nothing was going down to lighten our heavy burden during the runtime of Boogeyman. A nekkid chick in a bathtub was completely wasted, though maybe Freddy Krueger might have gotten all excited. Joseph LoDuca added the score which reminded me of Jerry Goldsmith’s work for The Omen in places. That’s about the best I can say about it as it was overly loud in places and really didn’t float my boat.
Summary ExecutionAnother in the teen-orientated run of horror flicks that doesn’t do much to keep us amused or entertained. Boogeyman simply ran through its “boo” moments without leaving an impression or staying in the memory five minutes past the end credits rolling. Ultimate evil can be defeated by breaking an action figure folks, just remember that if buying a house cheap in Amityville. No didn’t overly enjoy myself with this one as there was a great movie just waiting for the right director. Ditch the supernatural elements, the boogeyman becomes a metaphor for Dad abandoning the family while Tim was young, and older Tim is having a nervous breakdown and is seeing things that aren’t there due to repression of memory leaking out. There you go, an Oscar contender signed and sealed folks.Surprisingly Boogeyman managed to turn a profit without really trying. North America delivered $46.7 million and the combined international markets chipped in another $20.4 million to ensure the production cost of $20 million was well and truly covered at the box office. Unfortunately this only had the effect of convincing Raimi’s company that they should make a sequel, the ambitiously named Boogeyman 2. Thankfully I’ve avoided that one, but someone must have gone and seen it because Boogeyman 3: Electric Boogaloo hit DVD shelves in 2008. Thus is born a franchise that should have been drowned at birth! Thank you Sam Raimi, now piss off back to making those Spiderman movies and leave horror in peace. No recommendation, though if you have young teens in the house they might dig this one, assuming of course they have no taste. A money-making venture that does nothing for the dark genre and which is already consigned to the great sale bin in the sky. Don’t bother checking the closet, there’s nothing frightening in there, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ... Teen horror with no attempt at spinning a memorable horror flick.
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