The original The Amityville Horror was one of three movies that cut a swath through the box office back in 1979 during what was called "America's Summer of Fear" by Time magazine, and in the process helped convince Studio Execs that there was gold in them there horror hills, hence the absolute explosion in the genre through the 1980s. Surprisingly the movie played to a much older audience than horror normally acquires and two factors were presented as to why. Firstly the fascination with the claim that not only was The Amityville Horror a ghost story, and hence entirely respectable, but also and more importantly it was based on actual happenings out in Amityville. There was a Defeo family, and that tragedy was well documented, and the Lutz family did move into the house and then did a runner a few weeks later. Why even the Warrens, Ed and Lorraine, claimed other worldly forces when they investigated the house. What supporters of a "paranormal explanation" for the Amityville thing generally don't mention is that the Lutz family conducted a garage sale on the day after they allegedly fled the house in horror. I'm going to go out on a limb here and state the demonic pig Jodie probably did a wiener roast for hungry garage sale attendees. Even more amusing is the number of people who are still fooled by those two old shysters, the Warrens. Without getting into too much Amityville debate here, I'll save it for a future essay, the first mistake the new version of The Amityville Horror makes is repeating the claim that it's based on a true story. Since the original claim has been pretty much debased, for everyone prepared to read the evidence, the viewer can only draw the conclusion that the makers of the new version are lying to them even before they watch the movie. I like to view that more as cynical marketing, and hey there's plenty more problems in the movie without worrying about the tagline. Let's get this one over with friends and neighbours.
Talk us through itThe Lutz family, George, Kathy, and assorted Kids, move into a certain house in Amityville because the price is right, and it's what George has been working so hard to achieve or something. George, being a building contractor, wants to know "what the catch" is and the real estate agent mentions the previous family who owned the house were all shot to death in their beds by Ronald "Butch" Defeo the eldest son and hence the most likely to hear voices in his head during the course of a Yank horror movie. Well so the logic goes in a Platinum Dunes movie and apparently in Amityville. George isn't fazed because "houses don't kill people, people kill people". Try telling that to the 101 victims of horror movies George, and got to ask don't you watch the dark genre?In due course our family, with victim tattooed on their foreheads, move into the house and strange things start to happen. George apparently doesn't need to go to work, even though the Lutz clan need every cent they can get their paws on, daughter Chelsea has an imaginary friend named Jodie who seems way too real, and baby sitters soon have roos bouncing around in the top paddock. Right from the unpacking George is getting sick and feeling the cold, he's also developing an unhealthy attitude to chopping wood. Will George get into some of the old fashion Ronald Defeo boogie or will the family escape the house that dripped gunk in time? A somewhat disjointed and altogether"attention span disorder" movie ensues. Ready to check out the boathouse?
Review"Hi, Lisa. Look what Ronnie did." - Jodie Defeo
Just a quick sidenote before we get down to thinking over what went wrong in Amityville circa 2005. I am appalled at Plantum Dune's callous usage of the Defoe family murders to get their movie underway. A total disregard for anything approaching human decency, and a cynical early body count on the part of the lesser talents on display here. So you can pretty much scratch off any thought of a "mystery" going down in the movie, (a stable of haunted house flicks), writer Scott Kosar is simply too inept to have that working in any shape or form. So what's missing from the original movie, besides any chance of an unwanted return by the overly dramatic Rod Steiger as a priest, you may ask with trepidation in your voice. Well any chance of a coherent movie, oh brother the new version is all over the horror mansion, is gone, which is about the only saving grace of Stuart Rosenberg's vision. Also on the chopping block are George's business and his partner, (girlfriend of who is surprisingly a clairvoyant), wanting to know just what the hell is going down. Apparently, according to Hollywood, you don't need to earn a living anymore if you are a contractor. Where the hell do I sign onboard that deal and can it not include a cheap house as a requirement. Also cut, because it just might result in a decent scene, is the whole sub plot of Kathy's relative, think it was Leo Sayer, getting married. In the original they lose the cash Leo had to cover the catering bill and George steps in and writes a cheque he knows he can't cover. Later there's one of the few scenes that rings true in the original movie, George ripping apart the lounge room desparately trying to find the missing cash and only coming up with one of those paper note bands. If only the new version of Amityville could have somehow worked in Rob Steiger again, the memories of Rod's fly work remains with us however.work with Some of the changes rung into the movie will have you throwing your popcorn at the screen and demanding a refund or the lynching of Michael Bay at the earliest conveyance of Authorities. Jodie, the demonic pig from the original movie, is now Jodie Defeo. Yes I know based on "the" true story without the Defeo's ever having a daughter named Jodie, your brain will explode if you think about that too much. Guess the producers of this underdone haunted manse had decided demonic pigs are out and long hair dead girls are in. Surprised they didn't manage to work in a video tape curse as well! We still retain the baby sitter scene and I have to say it's one that had me laughing my arse off. Seems the Lutz parental units need to get away from things for a while so have booked a table at the fabulously named "Italian Kitchen Restaurant", wonder what sort of food they serve there? Naturally the kids don't need time out or anything What to do about a baby sitter! Well clearly you just grab someone's handwritten ad from the local supermarket, that shouldn't present you with any freaks or anything right? In one of those purely coincidental moments that only poor Hollywood script writers can dream up, Kathy has hired Lisa who, shock, horror, gasp, also baby sat for the Defoes! Now either there's a dearth of teenage girls wanting to baby sit in Amityville or Jodie, demonic pig or otherwise, has taken a huge toll on the local industry. Lisa duly turns up and I for one was wondering if they had low rider jeans back in 1974. Maybe one of our female readers could supply an answer there. To put it delicately Lisa looks like she may get paid for other services rendered. Naturally Kathy doesn't bat an eyelid at the semi-dress baby sitter in her hallway; I mean what mother wouldn't want to leave the kids in the care of the local tramp. With the senior Lutz family members exiting stage left, and no doubt off to enjoy Chinese cuisine, it's time for Lisa to bring Billy up to date with all matters Defoe, and did I detect Lisa dropping some hints there of a sexual nature. Having apprised Billy of the fact that he's sleeping in a bed another kid got murdered in, Lisa then dives into Chelsea's wardrobe. The one Jodie got murdered in! Naturally supernaturally shenanigans come into play, note the original movie was subtle in portraying this while Director Andrew Douglas has a brass band parading down the streets of Amityville. The Lutz parents arrive home to survey the damage, and one surely does hope they enjoyed the sumptuous Cajun seafood feast they no doubt consumed. Mark down another baby sitter on Jodie's list of achievements folks. So some things stay the same, same things are remarkably different, and most things we really don't give a rats about. We do get an explanation for good old George going slightly crazy however because the script writer remembered they must have a scene of Kathy digging into the past via the local library's extensive micro fiche records. Now up to this stage we have had a gradual build up to a demonic explanation, note a number of inverted crosses, the original Lutz household, door handles etc, but any demonic explanation is thrown out immediately as writer Scott Kosar demonstrates he simply has no idea what he is doing. Without giving the game away here there's a slightly more earthbound explanation that flies in the face of Lutz family testimony and Jay Anson's definitive fictional account. And if you are noting a certain plotline stolen from other movies then join the club. The one thing writer Scott Kosar is never going to be accused of is originality. I just have to ask, and yes I know I am slightly overstaying my welcome, what the hell is it with the Amityville boathouse that didn't drip blood? It gets heavily featured in both the original and the remake of The Amityville Horror without any explanation as to why this should be the case. It's almost as if it has to be included but no one can remember the reason why. In the new version George does deal to the family dog with an axe in the boathouse, and that should teach the errant pooch after all the trouble he put George through in the original movie. Maybe I should read Jay Anson's fictional account or something. One more point and then we'll start closing this review out. In the original version one of the kids get's his hand caught in a window when it slams down, blood and everything happening, in the newer movie it's all psychological torture with Billy having to hold hunks of wood as George whips into them with an axe. Is that a good development or not? Ryan Reynolds (George) simply didn't pull the role off. He was okay as the stepfather who knows he is fighting for his place in the family, and hence why he is the obvious target of the house's dark powers, but it's when he gets to the "here's Johnny" requirements that Reynolds simply didn't convince me he was going off the deep end. Melissa George (Kathy) simply carried this one on her own, though it wouldn't have been too taxing considering the writer jettisoned what little character development there was for her role from the original. Jesse James (Billy) is doing okay as the morose and rebellious young teen. Jimmy Bennett (Michael) looked like a dork but does nail a late night bathroom scene that is surprisingly well constructed around his performance. And Chloe Moretz (Chelsea) is simply one of those kid actors that you hope will be monster fodder during the first act of the movie. It's ladies night out on this one with Ryan Reynolds showing off the abs he developed from Blade Trinity again, and again, and again. Blokes get Mel George in the nude, but Ms George demurely keeps all her naughty bits out of sight if not out of mind. Steve Jablonsky surprisingly delivered quite a decent score that had me nodding in approval, except the bits that ramped up for sudden shock scenes. The composer deserved a far superior movie for his music to be honest Summary ExecutionThe Amityville Horror remake exposes all that is wrong with the modern U.S movie making business as practiced by Hollywood studios. There is no attempt made at making a decent movie, instead the audience are bludgeoned into submission via sudden shock scenes, random images, and ideas that are dropped later in the movie due to the script writer being too untalented to work things through to logical conclusions. The movie presents a lot of sizzle but end of day very little steak to satisfy your craving for a decent horror flick. I was bored pretty much throughout the movie and was wondering if I shouldn't simply eject the disc and watch something else. No wonder we don't cover Hollywood horror flicks, if this one is any indication they suck.Not surprisingly brain dead teens flocked to this one as it didn't overtax them in any shape or form. Amityville cleared $65 million in North America but could only managed a combined tally of $43 million in every other market on the planet. That's a telling result, I will leave it to the reader to infer what they want from it. If wanting to visit Amityville then go hire the original movie, the remake lacks anything approaching soul and simply grinds through the motions. Besides Melissa George there simply isn't enough meat on the bone to The Amityville Horror and you will be disappointed. One to keep the tweens amused at a slumber party, that's about the most this house of horrors can aspire to. ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ... Grab a weekly rental, and something else in case you get over the Amityville thing.
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Firstly the reason this review is at Scaryminds, considering it's not a Down Under flick. Taking a leading role is Australian actress Melissa George, see
to the right there, as Kathy Lutz. Regardless of the strength of the actually movie this is a major step up career wise for Mel and given her strong
performance in an otherwise crap movie should stand her well for future roles. I might be slightly biased here but I honestly thought Ms George nailed
her role while the movie makers were burning down the house around her.