I, Frankenstein (2014)

Sex :
Violence :
Director Stuart Beattie
Writers Stuart Beattie
Starring Aaron Eckhart, Yvonne Strahovski, Miranda Otto, Bill Nighy, Jai Courtney
Genre Fantasy
Tagline In the battle between good and evil, an immortal holds the key
Country

Review

"I am like no other" - Adam (Frankenstein's monster)

In a quick rehash of the Mary Shelley novel, or whatever, Frankenstein's wife is killed by the monster he has created via dead body parts, and electric eels apparently. Naturally the ultimate Mad Scientist is after revenge and tracks his monster to the far North, where Frankenstein prompt dies of exposure. Revisiting Europe, I think, the Monster strangely inters Frankenstein in a graveyard, or at least he tries to but is interpreted by Demons who want the Monster for nefarious purposes. Just when it seems all is lost for the Monster a group of Gargoyles arrive, immediately rip through the Demons, and take the Monster prisoner. Thankfully the Monster wakes in a cathedral and is named Adam by the Gargoyle Queen Leonore. I really wish I was making this plot up, and I've left out the kookiest idea in the fillum as you'll have to catch the movie to marvel at that little drug induced snippet of refuge.

Anyways Adam shuns humanity and apparently an eons old war between the Gargoyles, an order sent from Heaven to defend humanity, and the Demon hordes lead by the dastardly Naberius, a demonic Prince. However not leaving well enough alone Naberius dispatches demonic forces to run Adam down, naturally that's going to work out as planned. It does change Adam's non interference notions however, after 200 years in seclusion Adam decides it's time to put an end to Naberius evil plans and re-enters the modern world. Naturally Adam, who has no soul and hence emotions I think, isn't picking sides but does learn what Naberius has been planning over the last few centuries. There's a showdown, a love interest, and horribly the possibility of sequels if this movie does okay. Time to fire up the electrodes and see what might be stirring on the slab.

I was concerned that maybe script writer Stuart Beattie would get it all wrong and call the monster Frankenstein, which was of course the monster's creator's surname. Thankfully Beattie was wise to this issue, or at least tried to be, he slips sometimes with various characters referring to the monster as Frankenstein. This led me to believe Beattie didn't edit his script enough, he was aware of the naming thing, chooses in places to ignore it, and throws on a pretty sloppy script as a result. You know the sort, full of melodramatic pronouncements, characters explaining to the nth degree exactly what you are seeing on the screen, and a belief that CGI action will overcome all limitations. As the end credits rolled over the mangled corpse of the movie I was left with a notion that something pretty cool could have been achieved with the ideas contained in the movie, but said something would only be achieved if Stuart Beattie was kept at arm's length from the project. In short another movie based on a graphic novel where the movie maker doesn't quite comprehend that he is working in a completely different medium to the novel. And that friends and neighbours is enough to condemn any movie, and I, Frankenstein deserves every condemnation sent its way, the movie is an abomination that should never have been funded. Surely there are better scripts circling Hollywood, or do the Executives specifically go after the real stupid ones?

While the script surely has a "you have to be joking right" line written in capital large font letters across it, this pales into insignificance when compared to the deluge of CGI going down in I, Frankenstein. I'm not as anti CGI as some folk, heck I work in the IT industry, but even I was beaten black and blue by the sheer quantity of CGI going down, did they actually shoot any scenes that didn't have blue screens, computer enhancements, oh I don't know, decent acting beyond Ms Otto doing her best? While it's all high intensity action, lots of flames and combat moves, it just has this video game quality to it that takes you straight out of the movie and into your car to get home as quick as possible so that you can drink enough to forget that you have ever watched this I, Frankenstein. To be blunt, you won't be confused about maybe having walked into a late screening of Return of the King here. There's another idea, besides keeping Stuart Beattie well away from it get the special effects done by Wheta!

It's a CGI mess that never tries to rise above blue screens and half arsed ideas

Okay I might be coming across as a bit harsh here, but I did dig the luscious backdrops the movie is drabbed in, pity they are all in the blue and grey saturation movies of this ilk currently feel they need to convey atmosphere or mood or something, who knows with this movie! Pretty much you will not be seeing anything new but then again they don't drop the ball on this aspect, which is something I guess.

A lot of people are comparing I, Frankenstein to the Underworld franchise, which is actually pretty lazy as the two are distinctly different to each other. Underworld went the whole West Side Story thing while I, Frankenstein is exploring what it means to be human, which is giving the movie more credit than it deserves to be honest. Anyways yes we have warring "clans", but in I, Frankenstein its Demons vs. an Angelic order sent down from heaven. We are more into the territory of movies such as Gabriel (2007) or Legion (2010), than the vampire lycan love thing Underworld sent our way. Maybe people are making the comparison due to some of the folks working on both Underworld and I, Frankenstein, but as stated two entirely different properties with entirely different themes and goals.

As one would expect acting is pretty wooden, nothing is getting in the way of the action, there's no T&A to threaten the PG13 rating the Producers were after, and heck violence is all pretty much CGI. That's pretty much the entire firepower a serious horror movie would send our way not deployed by I, Frankenstein, which is disappointing given how dramatic and overwrought everything else is presented as. Another one of those movies that would have benefitted by people not taking it seriously and inserting some comedic elements to lighten the melodramatic overtones.

Apparently they spent $65 million on I, Frankenstein which is unfortunate for Lionsgate as the movie has crashed and burned in North America, earning to date a tad under $20 million. I'm not expecting the International markets to help out here as I, Frankenstein is no doubt going to hit the same problems Vampire Academy did, with a number of markets jettisoning a cinema release. Surprisingly it's full steam ahead on both movies Downunder which could be a mistake for I, Frankenstein as this movie has very limited appeal, as opposed to Vampire Academy which is based off a book series with strong support in this Country from the sort of chick who has a hat stand and at least two cats.

Phew I dodged the bullet I was meant to take for the team on I, Frankenstein by scoring access to a screener. Thanks to our benefactor who wishes to remain anonymous. Anyways I found myself actually drawn into the action scenes from time to time but spent the quieter moments checking my email as this movie fumbled along to its preordained conclusion. To be honest I wouldn't catch this schlock at the cinema, or on new release, or indeed on weekly release. Lionsgate have created a monster, and to be honest it just isn't that interesting.

ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ...

  Another CGI yawn fest that may work for tween males.