Review

Experimenting with corn is still going down in Gatlin, with Joshua and Eli's dad learning you don't muck around with "he who walks behind the rows". Now orphaned the boys are sent to Chicago to live with Amanda and William Porter. Joshua starts to integrate into the hip and groovy urban life style, the boy can shoot baskets and leaps on interracial relationships like a wild thing, while Eli has brought a little slice of home to Chicago in the form of corn cobs and isn't about to adopt the non fundamentalist nature of the 'hood.

Pretty soon Eli is planting corn in an abandoned factory, located right next door, building a following, and generally being a vicious little bastard. Meanwhile Joshua and his friend Malcolm work out what is going on and embark on a trip back to Gatlin to get the alternative bible Eli uses. Unfortunately they run into the straw man and things are looking dicey. Back in Chicago Eli is getting ready for the harvest and is showing some disturbing abilities. Can Joshua stop Eli's demonic corn festival and get to third base with his girlfriend Maria? A third Children of the Corn movie explodes onto our screen like popcorn popping.

Children of the Corn III (COTC3) was the last movie in the seemingly never ending franchise based around a Stephen King short story to receive a cinema release. It did badly and most people try to forget it as it sucks the life out of the universe. But before you write it off completely you should note Oscar winner and hottie Charlize Theron made her debut in this rotting corn husk as one of Eli's followers. So hey silver lining right there, betcha Ms Theron has expunged the flick from her not inconsiderate resume, and it demonstrates what utter bastards we are here at ScaryMinds for reminding people of skeletons in Theron's closet. Hey we all had to start somewhere; I myself started reviewing for a University newspaper before entering the glam world of online reviewing. Now if we could only get a few more people reviewing things would be cool, but currently there are only four of us doing it and one of those is a fat ginger with personal hygiene problems.

This is the third movie in a franchise that started going downhill from the second reel of the first movie, so I'm pretty much going to surface spray the movie and then forget it, much as Charlize has done, I'm with you girlfriend! Okay the major issue with COTC3, and this is the tip of the pyramid when it comes to the flick's many issues is the special effects. Oh brother they must have spent all of $1.50 on this aspect. Highlights for mine include a Scarecrow that comes to life and looks like a third level character in a school pantomime, was that meant to be scary? The claymation used to finally unleash "he who walks behind the rows" on an audience who must have been quivering in fear, or at least pissing themselves laughing, added bonus there are dolls that are meant to be victims but which are clearly dolls. And Eli throwing CGI balls of snot around, well okay maybe they were plasma, but looked to me like Eli was digging out some big ones and flicking them around toward the end of the movie. Ultimate eee-vil loves flicking snot friends and neighbours. Yeap apparently they had the work experience people in to do the special effects for the movie, and those kids were completely stoned with bad hand eye coordination.

When you get to the third movie in a horror franchise you are not expecting anything, somehow this one went under even that expectation

Surprisingly in amongst the dead wood there are a couple of good aspects to the movie, however you have to sift through the ashes to get at those aspects. Joshua shows his gradually emergence from under Eli's control by his change in wardrobe. The dude goes from Amish rustic to inner city movie maker thoughts of what is cool, i.e. what your ginger haired cousin would wear. Equally the whole Priest thing was rocking out, Catholic Church versus Corn Demon; not exactly what one would expect and a good chance to display that old time religion against two different believe systems. Ironically Eli is espousing out with the old, i.e. adults, and in with the new, i.e. kids, while fire and brimstoning it. Nice touch, as was the use of corn in the school cafeteria to bring the kids under Eli's influence. Other than that if you are scared of bugs, then COTC3 adds them in like Argento on overdrive.

I guess there are a couple of inventive deaths to keep the gorehounds happy and contented. Amanda goes down in one of those surprise developments, she looked like she might be our hero at one stage, but to the Director's credit the scene is surprisingly effective. I would also point out the death of the Priest, which just keeps on coming at you. However offsetting this are some pretty diabolically bad deaths, thinking the dude who's face melts and Maria's parents who go down in a fashion not dissimilar to the folk who wore shamrock masks in Halloween III, maybe a recurrent theme for third entries in franchises. I'm not even going near Malcolm's death, oops spoiler alert, someone needed to remind the film makers of human anatomy there.

Which of course brings us to the major issue with the movie, nothing is consistent. There's no central development, beyond corn growth, with ideas thrown into the melting pot and then forgotten about. Add in some overly dramatic music, choirs borrowed from The Omen for example, and you are left with the idea that the movie makers took COTC3 very seriously but simply lacked the abilities to make the movie they thought they were making. If they had of approached the source material with more of a not taking it serious attitude I believe the movie may have worked a lot better.

Not a movie I would waste time on tracking down, unless like us you have a moral obligation to see the franchise through to the bitter end. There's just not a lot to get enthused about in the flick, good ideas come and go but don't stick, and to be honest you really aren't seeing anything you haven't grooved too previously. If you simply must watch COTC3 then I would suggest a cheap eBay purchase or a weekly rental. Clearly no recommendation kids, but at least I can put this flick behind me and rest easier at night.