Gold Class (2010)

Sex :
Violence :

Director Joe Bauer
Writers Rita Artmann, Joe Bauer, Mathew Wilkinson
Starring Rita Artmann, Joe Bauer, Jesse Harris, Mathew J. Wilkinson
Genre Urban Horrors
Tagline None Listed
Run Time (minutes) 6:00


"Now look it's a really emotional film and I know you women get a little hysterical so I'm going to ask you to restrain yourself for the convenience of our other patrons" - The Usher.

Hoping to catch a later night screening of Australian Social Realism: The Movie, Josey attends the about to be closed Regent cinema. She should have known something was off with the Usher wearing a fez. Our gal is something of a hygiene freak, she uses one of those hand held vacuum cleaners to give her seat a once over, and the ever present hand sanitation gel makes an appearance. Satisfied all is right with her germ free environment, Josey settles in for a night at the movies.

Naturally things go wrong as two Bogans, Carl and Steve, take the seats next to her in the otherwise empty cinema. Carl and Steve are quite happy to carry out a conversation over the top of Josey, answer their mobile phones, and give away the twist in the movie. When Carl pulls out a baby and proceeds to change its nappy, Josey snaps. A cinema goer's worse nightmare, let's see if the movie was worth the ticket price.

First short movie review of the year, and given how slack the site was in covering shorts last year, probably the first of quite a few reviews of shorter movies. I actually ran into this one while I was looking for some info on Production company ArtSpear's feature length movie The Killage. Awesome, got to love falling over something you were unaware of and then having a good time watching an above average short delivering the horror of the cinema goer all wrapped up in some solid Strine humour. Let's crack into it, and see what Director Joe Bauer has served for our delectation.

The real horror being presented here, and it's something we keep harping on about, is the cinema patron being confronted by the sort of selfish bogan who thinks nothing of disrupting other people's enjoyment of a movie. With a whole cinema empty both Carl and Steve decide to sit down next to Josey, sheep like mentality I've experienced before, maybe your average bogan is scared to sit on their own in the dark? Equally we have all had the experience of someone hitting their mobile phone in the cinema, sorry if you can't go 90 odd minutes without your mobile then you are clearly too important a person to be spending time watching movies. I've given up being a regular cinema patron due to the morons who have to check their texts every five minutes, and I'm sure I'm not alone. Equally people talking through movies and quite often giving the plot away, to be honest the death penalty isn't enough for these cretins. Carl and Steve present your worst nightmare, two bogans who simply shouldn't be going to movies. Naturally the Writers collective that got Gold Class to the screen take it over the top, I was actually grinning and grinding my teeth to the antics of our pair of disruptive units.

However Josey isn't really playing with a full deck either, there's something slightly off with this chick, and yes I know the whole point of the short is an overly uptight person being confronted with a nightmare beyond her endurance levels. Now I simply believe you should turn off your mobile when going into a movie, Josey goes one step beyond; she removes both her mobile's battery and the sim card! She clearly has a few problems with public contact as well, and you would have to wonder if she should be catching a movie herself.

While Gold Class is clearly meant to be taken as a comedy, and we can all recognise something from the situation, there is perhaps something working subversively under what first appears to be a deceptively simple twist on the cinema patrons from hell. I may be reading a bit too much into this short, but am not surprised to learn that the cinema the action goes down in is shortly to close! As opposed to those claiming that the Box Office remains strong, simple research indicates the number of patrons through the doors is actually dropping. Revenue streams remain strong due to increased ticket prices, 3D, and IMAX, not due to the number of people catching movies. The Regent is closing, and it's no wonder, why would anyone want to pay the best part of $20 dollars to experience the activities of patrons like the sort that haunt this cinema. As stated ad nausea around here, we're no longer regular cinema attendees and we work for a movie review website! Maybe the Writers here are sending a salient message to the cinema chains in Australia, there's better options that the local theatre, clean up your act and give the arse to the disruptive element ruining the joy of the silver screen for others. When you think about it, and as stated I might be over thinking things, not a bad wee message in six minutes.

To get down to tin tacks here, Gold Class is well written, romps along to a number of punch lines, and has some solid acting to keep us entertained. There's a lot going down in six minutes, but nothing feels rushed, though for mine the baby was taking things slightly beyond the requirements. You get six minutes of solid cinematic entertainment, and that's pretty much why we're dialling in.

Overall I had a good time with Gold Class, have been in Josey's situation more than once, though to be honest my hygiene levels aren't so exacting. At six minutes the short has more to say than a butt load of Boredwood releases taking major time out of our lives, great achievement. I'm certainly going to be diving in to more of Production company ArtSpear's work in the future, bodes well for Killage which I'll personally get to before too many weeks elapse. Yeah I know, famous last words.

ScaryMinds Rates this short as ...

  Welcome to my nightmare, on so many levels