Review

The VM2 virus has rocketed around the world turning those infected into flesh craving zombies who can affect others through bites, blood, and the normal spread factors. In the U.S society has pretty much gone with the Government's last action being to detonate an EMPS strike from orbit, just in case the odd zombie can drive. Six months after the last desperate action by the Government three survivors have left their isolate cabin retreat intent on making it to the Island of Catalina, the last human outpost. Naturally they are shown to be survivors by making a huge racket while looking for food in a store, and naturally a large group of zombies are attracted. Deaths ensue as we see Darwinism in action. Two of our extreme survivalists are rescued by another group who are armed to the teeth and who know their way around the zombie menace.

We get a cut price Michonne, a couple of dudes, and Henry who does a passing Thor impersonation with a sledgehammer. All roads lead to a ferry that picks up survivors once a week, the only trouble being there's a whole city of infected between our crew and dubious safety. Human outposts are few and far between and even worse the VM2 virus can infect animals as well. The question is who is going to survive and will the mythical ferry turn out to be a reality?

If there is one title card that instils fear and loathing in your average movie watcher then that title card would be "Syfy presents a film by The Asylum". Should of warned you I was about to write that, you can come out from behind the sofa, I promise not to unleash any other nastiness on you in this review. Okay so we're dealing with a movie from the happy folk at "The Asylum". I don't have a problem with the Company's blatant ripping off of soon to be released major movies, par for the course in Hollywood there's a tradition involved in it. What I do have a problem with however is Asylum's never ceasing ability to punch out the most horrendously bad movies possible. Asylum movies lack the innate charm of "B" grade, instead sinking down to somewhere near "Z" grade. Yes I know there are some sites out there singing the praises of the various Asylum releases, what those sites tend not to tell you is they get their movies for free and they don't want to upset that particular trough by saying something bad about an Asylum movie. Those sites are not respecting you as a review reader and movie watcher; more over they have broken their duty of giving a truthful verdict on a movie for the sake of a few ten dollar flicks. The net sure makes monkeys out of some people!

Another poor effort from The Asylum, strangely I think they could make a half decent horror flick if they actually tried

Which I guess brings us to the movie at hand, Zombie Apocalypse. I was initially bemused as to what movie the Asylum were trying to rip off with this one, perhaps World War Z which unfortunately for Asylum got held back to June 2013. What I reckon they have tried to do with this one is catch a ride on the popularity of The Walking Dead. There's a whole bunch of similarities between Walking and Apocalypse that doesn't extend to actually making a professional product of course. Once again the Asylum have gone cheap and quick on a movie and the seams are showing from first frame right to last frame, any one mention amateur hour down the Y?

You know you are in for a pretty cheap flick when the extras are few on the ground, you need loads in a decent zombie movie, and the ones that bothered going through the rigours of makeup get recycled in a number of scenes. You can't keep a good zombie down even with a head shot, especially in an Asylum movie, the dead that just keep on giving. Zombie Apocalypse makes do with a couple of dozen extras, I guess the rest of the zombies were vacationing in Tahiti or something as our group of survivors did a Logan's run.

Surprisingly the zombies we do get are showing more acting ability and emoting better than the actual cast. Talk about your amateurs going through the motions. Besides one or two that looked like stunned mullets and this blond chick who is irritating as hell, big bad Ving Rhames looks like he is wondering just how the frack he agreed to doing this schlock in the first place. For sure no one is going to bring home a gong from Oscar night anytime soon, and unfortunately for those of us who simply hang our hats on hope, there's no undiscovered talent ready for the big time.

You may be thinking at least we get some action, sorry going to disappoint you here, the action is pretty second rate as well. There's certainly a lot of running, some fu, and loads of zombies being dealt to, but just not in any satisfying fashion. Buildings smoking in the city are achieved by noticeable CGI, muzzle flashes are achieved by obvious CGI, and heads being blown apart or chopped off are achieved by hard to miss CGI. There's a common element there, and no it has nothing to do with cutting edge digital rendering, my Son could knock up the same effects on an old 386 if given enough incentive. The action fails to reach any epic level and simply looks like a bunch of second rate actors running away from extras on deserted locations. You aren't being asked to suspend your disbelief here, you're being pleaded with by film makers who have zero talent.

I'm really hoping I'm up to review length here as any more of this movie and I'll simply have to breakdown and cry. Zero on the T&A front folks, not sure even a decent set of boobs would have helped this fandango across the finishing line. Damn them the Asylum have turned me sexist!

Surprisingly there are a few decent ideas simmering away in this movie, if by decent ideas you mean notions people other than the script writers had come up with previously. Fresh zombies are fast and lethal, as they get staler the old rigour mortis sets in and they get slow and clumsy. Dogs and other animals can become infected and go zombie on your arse. And with time the zombies get smarter, or with time the script needs them to or something, the idea gets dropped pretty quickly before it can be developed in any meaningful fashion.

Of course for every clever idea, and those are few and far between, there are some real clangers in the script that make you wonder if the Writers aren't the ginger haired nephews of the Director beavering away on writing in Buttwipe Missouri. For example this irritating blond chick leaves her best mate and their rescuers to battle a horde of zombies in a gymnasium. The best mate goes down under the onslaught and the rest of our team beat a hasty retreat only to be berated by Blondie who is incensed they didn't save her mate, you know the one she abandoned at the first sign of a zombie battle looming!

Hooray up to and surprisingly passing review length on this hopelessly inept flick. I watched like a stunned mullet as the movie ground from one cinematic disaster to the next, wondering why on earth I didn't watch something by Troma instead. As bad movies go this one is simply bad, no recommendation folks, given the survivors in this flick I'm hoping the zombies win if there's a sequel. The Asylum once again delivers a shocker that should have most cinema lovers wanting to tar and feather anyone involved in Zombie Apocalypse. Over to Jman for our third flick of the weekend, the promisingly enticing Zombie Transfusion.