Review

A year ago an insane Camp Counsellor cut a bloody swath through the campers at Camp Rolling Hills, she was never caught and has apparently been on the lam every since. Naturally new owners have renamed the slaughter yard Camp New Horizons, and are playing down any mention of the murders the previous year. The Owners want to mix inner city bad kids with a bunch from the more affluent corners of the U.S, which nearly always works right? So we get a mix of horror tropes all under the guidance of two bumbling idiots and a Cop who is screwed up by the murder of his son the previous year. Oh and we also get Angela slumming it as Maria Nacastro with a clear agenda for how the camp should be operating and what sort of campers should be hanging.

Do I have to mention Angela aka Maria cuts through the campers like Jason Voorhees on ekkies, adding the odd Counsellor to the body count as opportunities arrive. Naturally we get boobs, a lot of different murder methods, and just for the hell of it Angela reprising her biggest hit, "I'm a Happy Camper". As you would expect in a franchise it's getting steadily worse movie by movie, let's cut to the chase here.

For the apologists that somehow hold this shite up as a good movie, care to explain the beginning, which pretty much sets the standard of the movie to follow. Some flat chested chick, "milk shake" - the 80s weren't a good time, is off to camp for no reason what so ever. Guess it was better than hanging in the 'hood perhaps. Anyways our would be camper is victim one as Angela runs her down, after a chase, with a garbage truck. Director Simpson is hoping we'll let this pass as it happens on surprisingly deserted streets, well if you excuse the crew members caught by the camera by mistake. Anyone want to explain how Angela knew a) how to drive a dump truck and b) that this particular inner city delinquent was on her way to summer camp? What amounts to a prologue pretty much sets the speed for the rest of the flick; it's not going to get any better Campers.

Jman: Guess the prologue is simply setting up Angela's return to her former hunting grounds in the least plausible fashion possible. To avoid detection you only need to don a wig that makes it look like your vibrator exploded that morning and of course sunglass of the cheap chemist variety. But given the mentally challenged folk attending the Camp, Angela could have got away with borrowing Nicky Cage's bear outfit and no one would have wondered what was going down. The one thing I noted with our happy camper this movie was she was slightly less perky and viewed things from a more world weary approach. Another camp another crew of misfits to dispose of, think Angela is despairing that she is even going to find another camper to match her own high expectations.

We get the normal stereotype characters, another bunch of murders that are either going to be effective for you or maybe lead to you turning off your television, and nothing else in terms of plot development or character development. The cast turn up to get slaughtered and Angela applies the various methods, movie over, put on repeat cycle and pump out another one. If after something more meaningful or anything approaching an actual movie then try and see if you can return this one and rent something else prior to your local store closing for the evening.

As expected the genre is heading downhill rapidly by movie three, the film makers were out of ideas before a single frame was shot

Jman: Considering the franchise was out of ideas by the second block of the first movie we get what we expect I guess, though originality isn't high on the agenda. Death by lawnmower, try Saturday the 14th (1981), every other kill can also be identified from previous movies for those who are obsessed with the idea. Re-creating the "gnarly deaths" of slasher history might work for some people, frack them I'm here for an actual movie not a regurgitated hodge podge of previously seen murder tropes featuring lazy written characters.

For those wondering we don't get the "final girl" we get the "final couple", though the bloke who is meant to be an L.A gang banger is the biggest wuss in the world, so we do get gal on gal action involving sharp weapons while the bloke stands around like a stale bottle of beer. Mercifully Angela needs major medical attention due to injuries so high fiving Jman, we don't have to worry about wading through another movie.

Jman: I was pretty much counting down the player timer as the same old rolled out with no attempt at taking things in a new direction. There's the typical overly dramatic score you get with these things, intermingled with some cock rock cause that will resonant with the kids and all, and of course the requisite rap though Snoop Doggy shouldn't be worried about The Boss' little sister taking over his career. There's some not so subtle racism from one character, which is more stereotypical than making a statement, and that's about it for any attempt to surprise the audience. At stages I wondered if the camp wasn't for intellectual challenged teens, or at the very least for acting challenged people. We get the camp owner who is like this really old little dude getting it on with a hottie, three people tied together looking for someone in a pantomime fashion, and pretty much every victim simply waiting for their fate. For Christ sake throw something different on my screen, this movie was out of ideas before the opening credits.

No surprise then that Teenage Wasteland relies on the kills to appeal to the lowest common denominator, as Jet would say. There's nothing else to be taken from this flick that I guess would fit the bill of moral bankruptcy as thundered on about from various pulpits, religious or not. While I get the concept of a slasher is all about the body account, and more importantly how we get that body count, there's nothing else here. Teenage Wasteland is like a cut price F13th made by people who clearly didn't understand what made the Jason flick interesting cinema. Think I've pretty much covered this one as far as I want to, any further risks really sharpening the knives and cutting this flick to its flawed bones.

Jman: Guess I'm not overly disappointed, I was expecting a pretty much crap movie and got one delivered that met that requirement. It never ceases to amaze me that movies like this one get made while much better scripts end up in the slush pile, probably never to be seen again. To re-emphasis your point about the "final girl", once again this supposed trope doesn't pan out as a certain feminist academic with an axe to grind claims it does. Reckon we should do a top ten article on Yank mistakes in analysing horror themes, the question for everyone to ask themselves is why are we repeating the same company line when it's demonstratively wrong for anyone prepared to do the minimum leg work in terms of research! Anyway, and back on track, nothing much to catch my attention in this movie. I was amused by the dramatic shots across the lake to the dark forested foreshore, they add nothing, but why not include them to pad out the running time.

Summing up, another sequel without much to offer in the horror genre, hold the headlines. More kills, some of which you will have seen in other previously movies, and that's about all she wrote. If you must finish out your slasher dance card then knock yourself out, otherwise you can safely give this flick a miss as it brings nothing new to the genre. For those who champion this shite, knock yourself out, but don't try and push your religion on me, this movie is poorly made, the Twilight for slasher fans. No recommendation at all.

Jman: One of the few movies where I've simply face palmed, and have no defence for in the face of anti-genre forces. Yes it's a bad flick, but let's not paint the rest of the dark genre with the "B" grade brush this movie presents us with. Even as a horror defender I'm going to say Teenage Wasteland is a blight on the cinematic landscape, give it a miss and go catch a Halloween flick instead.