Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

Sex :
Violence :
Director Tommy Wirkola Reviewer :
Writers Tommy Wirkola
Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Pihla Viitala
Genre Action
Tagline Classic tale, new twist
15 second cap Hansel & Gretal are grown up Witch Hunters, on the night of the blood moon they must battle witches and learn the truth about their abandonment in the forest all those years ago.
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Review

"Whatever you do, don't eat the fuckin' candy" - Hansel

Having survived their tussle with the Witch in the woods as kids the orphaned Hansel and Gretel have grown up to become witch hunters, something they are particularly good at. The only lasting scares from their childhood being, why did their parents abandon them, Hansel's diabetic condition due to candy consumption, and a desire to kill all Witches. With the countryside being plagued by Witch related disappearing children, the siblings are called in to sort things out, much to the anger of the local constabulary.

We quickly find out things are brewing towards the night of the blood moon, where a plan is being hatched to make Witches immune from fire. It involves the sacrifice of 12 children and someone else. Hansel and Gretal swing into action, with the help of some new friends, and discover the secret of their parents' disappearance wasn't as straight forward as they thought. Let's fire up the cauldron and see what toil and trouble Director Wirkola has conjured up for us.

Tommy Wirkola is of course the dude that brought us the Norwegian zombie Naziploitation flick Dead Snow. A sort of Scandinavian Shaun of the Dead that had its moments but didn't overly have me reaching for my Christmas card list. H&G is Wirkola's first big budget movie, rumoured budget around $50 million, which means there's going to be a hell of a lot more closer inspection from main stream Critics than his previous Indie efforts garnered. The movie has had its problems getting to the screen, first mooted for 2011, then held off as Boredwood reconvened their notorious public reaction machine, before finally getting a 2013 release date as a R16 release rather than the attempted PG13 neutered version. The final product shows all the hallmarks of Studio tinkering, which normally spells disaster for any movie. Surprisingly Wirkola has managed to save something from the wreckage.

The PG16 is about right, this isn't a movie for the tween Twilight set, perhaps they can wait on the ludicrous Warm Bodies later in the year. We get enough f-bombs to make dock workers proud, a fair amount of gore (of the CGI variety), and some nudity. Apparently the PG16 wasn't enough for some parents, protests ensued, another reason why I'm a firm believer in enforcing ratings, some people have their heads so far up their bums they don't take into account why movies get censor ratings.

While it's not going to be the best movie of the year, it was still good fun for those out after 90 minutes of entertainment

For once I'm going to say, a movie well worth spending the extra on and catching in 3D. Sure there's a lot flying out of the screen, all that wood must be driving Greenies insane, but hell some of the best 3D since James Cameron landed Avatar on us. Got to admit I ducked a couple of times as things seemed to whoosh past at warp factor nine. Even more impressive, Wirkola managed to work it so things were flying back at the screen, you ain't experienced 3D till you think you see an arrow being shoot from somewhere behind you at a target on the screen. Maybe the only criticism I've got of the 3D was it slightly overdone in places distracting from what was going on up on the screen.

Guess where're rocking to the action here, the Director sends it at you in full kinetic mayhem. While the movie loses pacing in the middle section, that slow down was maybe needed due to the intense action. One of the real strengths of H&G was the battle scenes that were both intense and attention grabbing. Wirkola has you in the thick of the action as Hansel and Gretel routinely get their arses handed to them by their supernatural adversaries prior to proving if you are good at your job then you can overcome some harsh obstacles in the way to a result. The battle during the blood moon is awesomely conceived, but I would have liked a few longer shots to get the full epic happening, the Norwegian Director is really into his close ups rather than taking the battle from wider angles. Don't blink during the fight scenes; they rampage along like they are going to be recalled at any moment. Helping out the conflict was the Witches reliance on that old black magic, and the Siblings use of steam punk style weapons that had me bouncing up and down in my seat. We're talking multi arrow firing crossbows, rifles, and at one stage a Gatling gun. It's not meant to be historically accurate folks, it's solely working to entertain us, and the action will have fans of blood splattered mayhem high fiving each other in delight.

The plot to this one isn't going to overly trouble the Academy next year, though to be honest given the shite they generally go for anything is possible, but it works to get us where we're going. Tommy Wirkola isn't looking to explain the human condition, besides candy isn't good for you, he simply wants to give everyone a good time tonight. The plot serves the onscreen visuals and that's about all she wrote, standard fare, nothing to be seen here.

Jeremy Renner (Hansel) and Gemma Arterton (Gretel) go at it fairly deadpan, even while cracking one liners, which works for the cynical and experienced witch hunting duo. Both Actors got double thumbs up from me; they did what they could with thinly written roles. Famke Janssen (Muriel) was stealing scenes left, right, and centre as the head Witch, Janssen nails it to the barn door. Oh and expect to see Janssen in a few less movies over the coming couple of years as she told anyone who would listen she took this role to pay her mortgage, yeah that's going to work for promotion. Something about gift horses and mouths, anyways you read it here first, Studios have long memories.

Should mention there's a slight bit of T&A, blink and you'll miss it, and we thank Pihla Viitala (Mina) for going the nude route in one scene. Actually thinking about it those Witches were pretty prudish, which is probably a good thing.

So I caught up with H&G due to lack of options through January and got exactly what I expected. An action flick that dispensed with logic, hit the warp factor as required, and which provided a visual feast of old growth CGI dark woods to groove to. This is one movie that's not taking itself seriously, I would suggest some people pull the carrot out and follow the lead Director Tommy Wirkola gives us in just having fun at the movies again. Recommended to older teens and adults prepared to groove to the 3D bonanza that was surprisingly well constructed, otherwise go grab one of those meaningful dramas seemingly written by monkeys with a poor supply of crayons.

H&G is currently in cinemas, though I would expect only for a couple more weeks. Unfortunately Downunder the Distributors have been listening to the Critics and blew major chances at boasting the box office. H&G had the highest per screen average over the weekend in a poorly realised release strategy.

ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ...

  Not a great movie, but hell I had a good time, and that's all that counts!