Review

In an opening montage we discover The Doctor looking into Clara Oswald's childhood as he tries to discover what her secret is. Clara has lived three lives thus far in the Whoverse, is apparently impossible, but remains an enigma for the Doctor. Back in the present the Doctor asks Clara where she would like to go on her first Tardis trip, Clara declares she wants to go "somewhere awesome", so the Doctor takes her to Taihape the Rings of Akhaten to view the famous Pyramid. One of the stranger places in the Universe where money has no meaning, but items that somehow have emotional value to the owner are acceptable currency.

Clara and the Doctor touchdown in a market that must be the daytime haunt of the patrons of a certain Tatooine Bar, where Clara helps a young girl named Merry face up to her destiny as the "Queen of Years". Seems Merry has to sing a song to keep an entity sleeping that the residents of the local seven planets believe is the source of all life in the Universe. When Merry is picked up in a glowing ball and whisked away to the Pyramid the Doctor and Clara are in hot pursuit, ready to tackle a God to save Merry from space vampires, evil minions, and bad notes. The Doctor miscalculates, it's not the sleeping "God" they need worry about but the honking planet sized creature that craves life experience, surprisingly Clara has an answer.

Got to say the Producers of The Rings of Akhaten go all out to present a visual feast for the viewer in this episode. Akhaten itself is stunning, a collection of rocks circling in endless repetition the local sun, and the exotic mixture of local denizens puts most Sci-Fi feature length movies to shame. So you can't complain about the visuals, though have to say the honking big God we meet toward the end of the episode wasn't as impressive as other entities the Doctor and various Companions have faced through the years. Still I'm not going to complain, dug the "space vampire" who somehow has been imprisoned in a glass box, and the three dudes who show up from time to time with that whispering voice were a hoot, anyone want to see them in another episode? So full marks for the design and attention to detail in this one, Doctor Who does seem to be going on the epic side of the sonic screwdriver this season.

There are a few things going down in the episode that raised more questions about Clara than providing any answers. The Tardis apparently doesn't like her, or the Doctor might have simply locked the Blue Box, your call on that one. However backing up the notion that there might be some problem between the Tardis and Clara is the lack of translation of the alien women who barked at her to rent a futuristic motorbike. There's moments like this that make you wonder just what Clara actually is, I'm going out on the limb and stating Clara is the Tardis carnate! You read it here first folks, and I might be completely off the Gallifrey orbit with the concept, but then I really wanted to put my conspiracy up there with a whole bunch of people throwing theories around like they are going out of fashion. Of course Clara might just be the Doctor's daughter, who popped up and promptly disappeared last season.

A disappointing episode, though Clara is certainly an awesome companion, might just be edging Amy Pond for mine

About my only criticism outside the episode resolution, which I'll get to, is the Doctor going all Hollywood on us. Talk about mixing in aspects of Indiana Jones, the pyramid stone door he has a few problems with, Harry Potter, is the sonic screwdriver a wand now, and the President from Independence Day, that bombastic speech that had me picking my jaw up off the ground. This isn't Who, this is some mixture of Hollywood tropes that didn't work for me, next they'll have the Doctor wearing a cape and putting his Reg Grundies on over his pants!

Notably, and this could be due to Dr Who having reached its half century this year, there's all sorts of winks dropped to the Audience throughout The Rings of Akhaten. The Doctor mentions he visited the Rings once before with his granddaughter, an excellent reference to the original Doctor and his companion Susan. The book Clara seems to drag all over the universe with her is written by Amelia Williams, do I need to explain that one? Now hang onto your knickers folks this is where I get so past nerdy that they'll need to invent a new name for it, the day Clara's mother died was 5th March 2005, the exact same day that Rose Tyler meet the Doctor with the Northern Accent that my Wife didn't like. There's a bunch more, watch the episode to find your own favourite and we'll cook some marshmallows over a blazing Auton in geek heaven.

I've put it off long enough, the terrible ending that deflated me quicker than a spew after a particularly bad kebab. The big bad this episode is a honking big sun beast of some description. I was instantly reminded of the far superior episode 42. Our solar antagonist wants to eat people's souls, stories, or whatever, sorry wasn't paying attention to the nuances there, but can be put back to sleep by a massive amount of memories. Hey I'm just saying, I didn't write the rubbish the script turned out to be. Anyways the Doctor lets loose with his experiences, 900 years worth of them in a full frontal assault. Actually thinking about it, memories of Jackie Tyler would be enough to cause nightmares. But it's up to Clara to resolve the sitch with one of the more mind bogglingly stupid plot devices one could imagine. Sorry won't give it away, but it does explain one piece of Clara's luggage that has had the net buzzing with hidden meanings. Utter rubbish folks, to quote the Simpson's comic book guy, "worse ending ever".

Before closing this one out, I mentioned the space vampire right? - Kiwi scriptwriter Neil Cross out of Wellington wrote this episode along with a future episode Hide. Now there's a squee moment for locals.

I thought the design and overall look of The Rings of Akhaten were excellent, a lot of effort went into the creature creation, and I got to say the acting was top notch from all involved. However the episode is let down by a script that is both twee and which throws on pantomime antagonists that never really offered any chills or indeed threatened at any stage. Director Farren Blackburn has these weird cinematic moments, a POV from inside a plastic pipe to Clara for example, that are really jarring rather than adding to the viewing experience. No recommendation on this one kids, The Rings of Akhaten has all the appearance of being an episode thrown on to complete the requisite number for the season.

Please note Who episodes screen about a week later here in Kiwiland than the rest of the World gets them as we have to get the film in via ship due to the airports being declared Moa nesting sites. Endangered species apparently.

Site of the Week : Keeping Kiwis informed on all things Whovian, though they seem to have slipped on their site updates recently, is the most excellent NZ Doctor Who Fan Club. You can join other Who geeks on the forums, download copies of the Club's magazine for free, and generally find out what's going down in the Whovian Universe right here in Aotearoa. Keep that one bookmarked kids.

ScaryMinds Rates this episode as ...