Land of the Dead (2005)

Sex :
Violence :
Director George A. Romero Reviewer :
Writers George A. Romero
Starring Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, Robert Joy, Eugene Clark
Genre Zombie
Tagline The dead shall inherit the Earth.
15 second cap Riley needs to thwart Cholo's plans, rescue who he can, and avoid being a zombie meal
Country

Review

"Detroit has 50 million cars. Samoa, 50,000. Every one stolen" - Pillsbury

In the latest of Romero's "Dead" universe movies, the zombies have over run pretty much everything, and the last humans have adapted to a new reality. In a protected city ruled by the powerful Kaufman, the upper class has the usual privileges living in a fancy well-supplied building, while the poor people live on the streets living off Kaufman's table scraps. Sounds like Australia under John Howard really.

Riley and Cholo belong to a team that bring supplies (food, medicine, ammunition, etc.) to the city using a heavily modified truck called "Dead Reckoning" which was designed by Riley. It's smash and grab raid time out amongst the zombie infested hinterland. When Cholo is betrayed by Kaufman, he steals the "Dead Reckoning" and threatens Kaufman, who requests Riley to retrieve the vehicle. With the support of his friend Charlie and Slack, Riley heads on out to confront Cholo. Unfortunately for all involved the undead are getting smarter and are organized under the leadership of Big Daddy. Batten down the hatches Outsider is going in.

George A. Romero. Visionary director of Night of the Living Dead. Creator of the entire Zombie genre. Yes, he created an entire genre all by his damn self. The dead coming back to life. Hungry. For Brains! He also helmed Dawn of the Dead (the original) and Day of the Dead. It's been a long time since Romero did a zombie flick and it honestly had to be driving him ape-shit to see so many others coming out with huge success, all ripping off his standard formula.

[Editors note: Romero didn't actually invent the Zombie sub genre, but he did get it up and shambling again. Also the whole brains thing is down to Return of the Living Dead, which wasn't a Romero flick]

Slightly tired, Romero hasn't evolved any quicker than the zombies he litters his movie with

28 Days Later was the same as any of the previous 3, with the lone exception that those zombies could run. Whoopity f u c k i n doo! The Dawn of the Dead remake, which I liked a lot, made a mint and scared the shit out of a whole new crew of teenagers. But Romero's name was missing from the Director's credit and tons of fanbois were just screaming for him to take the helm of this zombie resurgence.

So low and behold, Universal gave him the shot to do it. For Romero to throw in another zombie continuation of his own mind and hand. Armed with a decent budget, decent stars, and a newly hot genre, the time was right for Romero to strike. To show all the newbie zombie filmmakers how this shit is truly done. The question is: Did he pull it off?

I am extremely sad to report that no, he did not. The movie is not horrible. Not even really bad. It is simply ok. There was not one single scene of true originality. Not one shot that stayed with me after the credits. Everything was simply standard fare. Lots of zombies munching on people. Lots of attacks on people and people attacking them. Pretty much the same deal as all the rest.

There were some little strokes here and there: the zombies learning to adapt and struggling to ascertain some resemblance of a normal life; the all-terrain, death machine "Dead Reckoning". But mostly, more of the same. I have read numerous reviews from fanbois all over the internet, of which I am one, and they have given this flick almost universal praise. That just saddens me. What freakin' flick were you guys watching?? In no way is this thing the 2nd coming, so why the high praise?

Unfortunately, Romero is getting the same kind of idiotic hero worship that John Carpenter still somehow gets. The fanbois are so ecstatic about their hero's making another real movie that they lose all common sense because they're too busy choking on the guy's meat-puppet. 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead (2004) were simply better movies. Better paced, more tension and overall better story. I'm sorry that Romero didn't live up to his end of the bargain, truly I am. I was pulling for the guy the whole time, dying for him to make a huge comeback as the guy who created the genre deserves. He simply didn't do it. He made a standard, decent zombie flick that could easily have went straight to video. Like I said, not bad, but not worth buying on DVD either, maybe a cheap rental.

The story is easy and pretty quick: The dead have essentially taken over most of the planet. People have had to hole up together and put large fences around entire cities to keep the dead out. Yes, it is basically like Escape From New York Zombie Island. The city hasn't changed much as there are still social separations by class. The rich hole up in a huge mini-city of fine shopping and dining called the Fiddler's Green, while the poor fetch supplies from the dead ravaged cities both for the rich and their own well being. Kaufman (Dennis Hopper) runs the city from atop the Green while guys like Cholo (John Leguizamo), Riley (Simon Baker) and his right hand Charlie fetch what's needed.

After Cholo gets shortchanged by Kaufman, he decides to hijack the armored killing machine "Dead Reckoning" and blow up Fiddler's Green unless he gets $5 million in payment. Kaufman, being the cheap piece of shit that he is, instead hires Riley, Charlie and new to the click Slack (hot and slutty Asia Argento) to find Cholo and get the machine back. All Riley wants to do is leave town, and now maybe he can actually get the money and wheels to do so.

Oh yea, this plus the dead are starting to figure out how to get into the city. Apparently it took them 50 years, but they finally figured out that if enough of them push a fence, it might fall down. Interesting shit. Of course the rest of the movie centers on the crew saving their own asses and getting out of town before they're appetizers. Been there, done that.

[Editors note: Actually the dead also have to cross a river, which they do cause they are dead and all.]

Look, I wish I had more to say on this thing, but it just didn't do much for me. Leguizamo was good in his role, calming down on film for once. I liked the loyalty between Charlie & Riley. Charlie is a little slow, but they both know the other wouldn't be there without them. Slack was apparently only in the flick for eye candy and Hopper is as over the top as always. Sometimes I wonder exactly when it was that Hopper's career jumped the shark, because his hammy acting has ruined so many films now that I've begun to lose count.

Anyway, that's really all I have to say on this one. Save your money or go see Batman Begins again. This is truly a wait for video flick. If you must lick Romero's sack, then please, feel free to drop your yen on this average flick. If you actually want substance in your films, a little creativity or tension, then wait for another zombie flick to hit theaters. I'm sure at this rate, it won't be long.

In closing, allow me to say how sad I was watching this. Another cult icon of mine has lost his way. First it was Carpenter. Then Craven. Now Romero. Thank God Raimi has that damn Spider-man franchise to fall back on. I honestly don't think I could handle losing another right now.

ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ...

  Romero does the same old, nothing new here folks