Review

So prehistoric piranha laid waste to the teenage hotties at Lake Victoria leaving the township a wasteland after the Lake is contaminated in an effort to eradicate them. Naturally, given underground lakes and waterways it's not that going to be that easy. Chet, the leading share holder of Big Wet - a water park, has turned up the heat in the amusement stakes with serious Adult wet and wild times, water certified strippers replacing life guards, and even the Hoff making a guest appearance. Unfortunately he is also pumping in water from a local lake, anyone not know where this is headed?

Before you can say "anyone for fish and chips" the prehistoric piranha pack are ripping through the patrons of Big Wet with Maddy and her friends Barry and Kyle trying to hold back the onslaught. When you're talking the attack of the killer fish from out of a vagina, I guess there isn't going to be a whole lot of plot going down.

Roger Corman, noting the huge success of Spielberg's Jaws, decided to go with Piranha as the aquatic terror of his 1978 slaughter fest of the same name. Notably the movie featured one Joe Dante in the Director's chair, with James Cameron heading up the 1981 sequel. It took quite some time but eventually a "name only" remake hit cinema screens in 2010, with boobs and blood being high on the agenda. Strangely the remake was successful enough to warrant a sequel and even stranger it was aimed directly to the DVD market. That's almost a guarantee that we will be getting a forgettable movie and oh hell yeah they delivered on that expectation.

I've got to say up front that Piranha 3DD proved to be quite the worse movie I've seen this century, in any genre. There's a lack of coherent plotting, horrible acting, and simply shows movie makers galloping into exploitation as they have frack all other abilities when it comes to making a half decent film. If you simply want to watch a movie full of gore and naked chicks then you have come to the right place, just don't expect anything more, gore and nudity is all she wrote ... assuming "she" was a room full of monkeys on a drinking binge.

The fish are evolving, anyone think they'll run with that next movie and turn in complete bollocks?

You have to wonder why it took three Writers to come up with the script to this fish stick of inanity. The plot, what little there is, simply provides a framework for naked babies, gore laden fish attacks, and never once goes beyond ripping off the happenings in other movies. Don't expect anything approaching originality, major scenes were simply lifted from the previous movie or pasted in from other horror flicks. To be honest, and I feel we really should be, you could have bashed the script out for this one over morning coffee while suffering the effects of a real bad hangover. At no stage did I ever get the feeling that I was watching anything approaching a coherently plotted movie, and that means the audience will be relying on the visuals to get them through the night.

The "acting", term used loosely, is atrocious with no single Actor being able to create a credible character. I'm including the Hoff here, is this person for real? He can't even play himself to any successful level, which actually turns out to somehow be a highlight. If the Hoff is your major cast card then you're movie is in a hell of a lot of trouble.

On the bright side of the chum bucket you are in for a whole lot of gore, no orifice is left unprotected from a piranha attack! The aforementioned piranha attack from Shelby's vagina is I guess something of a highlight, but you are also in for arse attacks, no I'm not kidding here, heads being chomped off whole, and of course the flesh challenged husks of victims, as well as more severed limbs than Jason Voorhees can run up on a good night. Gorehounds will be baying at the moon over this one while the rest of us are left wondering how the special effects folks could make a slaughter house as unrealistic as the mayhem in this movie portrays. And before you ask, yes you do get a repeat penis severing scene, apparently a requirement of the modern "Piranha" orientated movie.

Of course if you are heading down into the bargain basement of movie making then you simply have to go with a lot of exposed flesh to keep the teen male hordes panting with joy. We're talking more boobs than Hugh Hefner's mansion had on display on a rocking Friday night and in case that's not enough to get your motor running full frontals going down! Bring the tissues, you are going to be wanting to do something with your time as sure as hell the movie isn't going to be entertaining you.

In terms of ripping off other movies where do I begin, there isn't a single original scene in the entire running time of Piranha 3DD. And yes I am belabouring this point. I was seeing rips from the original Prom Night through Nightmare on Elm Street to Slither and very disappointingly Piranha (2010) itself. At least they could have thrown something original on my screen to keep me rocking with the time I spent in Country.

I went into Piranha 3DD expecting some low level trash to groove along to instead I got a soft porn flick featuring killer prehistoric fish. Considering the premise you would have thought it impossible to stuff the film up, but kudos to the movie makers they managed to turn out a film so flimsy and badly conceived that it went from bad to outright goddamn awful. Yes that's right folks, a flick filled with T&A and I'm saying give it a miss, this movie brings new levels of crap to your screen. No wonder it went straight to DVD, they would have been refunding 90% of the tickets in cinemas in North America, and we would have been inclined to burn down the cinema in this Country. Save yourself, don't dive into the water here, this movie isn't so bad it's good, it's so bad its fracking woeful. I'm joining the feminist movement y'all, T&A should not be exploited this badly!

So this was another review off the Blu-Ray format and I got to say that I remain unimpressed kids, where's all the new features, online groove, and a partridge in a pear tree, the advertisers claimed were ours for the having. If you really must get this movie, then either hit the DVD or wait till it arrives in the weekly aisle of your local hire place, you shouldn't have long to wait.