Friday the 13th: Part 3 (1982)

Sex :
Violence :
Director Steve Miner
Writers Martin Kitrosser, Carol Watson
Starring Dana Kimmell, Paul Kratka, Tracie Savage, Jeffrey Rogers, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner, David Katims, Rachel Howard, Richard Brooker
Genre Slasher
Tagline A new dimension in terror... there's nowhere to hide. We dare you to try.
15 second cap A group of tweens and older stoners arrive at Higgens Haven, a farm on Crystal Lake, just in time to be slaughtered by Jason.
Country

Review

“Well first we take our clothes off, then you get on top of me or I can get on top of you” - Debbie

Since Part 2 continued the heavy profit making of the F13th franchise, cheap to make don't you know thus pretty much ensuring a profit, Paramount went Crystal Lake crazy and started demanding even more sequels. While not offering horror fans cake, Paramount figured they would be happy with a mouldy cheese sandwich, there was a certain honesty in the venture. The movies didn't try to be more than they were, vehicles for elaborate and in some cases pretty vicious deaths, that wont overly tax the audience who weren't dialling in for Shakespeare at the best of times. Strangely 3D was making one of it's regular comebacks in the early 1980s, and Miner decided that this would be just the ticket to overcome the increasingly retreaded plot. The acting, plot, and about everything else the movie had to offer was complete bollocks, but damn it, the movie would offer 3D bollocks! See Cameron it's been done before, you aren't impressing anyone you know.

Chris, Vera, and their disposable friends decided a weekend of booze, drugs, and sex, would be just the thing at Higgens Haven. Chris grew up there don't you know, and had a nasty experience with a strange deformed man one dark and sinister night a couple of years prior to current events. Unfortunately for our Scooby gang Jason Voorhees is right at the moment in the process of extending his reign of terror to about anything on Crystal Lake, veering away from his former target of camp counsellors. Naturally deaths ensue as the culling of the herd continues with Jason showing his displeasure at pre-martial sex, drugs of any description, and the demon alcohol.

Adding to the mayhem and slasher shenanigans are Harold and Edna, two local general store owners, and a trio of bikers that wouldn't overly threaten a pumpkin. A hard night's killing is called for as Jason makes everyone pay for being on his home turf.

Just a quick query, and probably one of the lesser problematic aspects of the movie, but what exactly does Higgens Haven produce? For a farm there's a singular lack of critters or crops or tractors and the like! They do keep hay in the loft for the horses they don't have however, simply wtf!

Part 3 gets under way with a rehash of Part 2, for the three people in outer Mongolia that haven't dialled into the proceeding movies yet but who feel a need to see the third one. Bit of a mistake there really as it only highlights how bad the current movie is in comparison to the proceeding one. But not happy with that we also get the ballad of Harold and Edna, two America kids doing the best they can. Jason eventually makes swift work of the troublesome duo but not until the audience has been exposed to Harold using the facilitates for number twos, including full sound effects! Guess that would be your rural realism in American film or something. Anyways Director Miner manages to dispense with about 16 minutes of his movie's 95 minute running time with filler. Awesome achievement and he surpasses himself by padding it out even more with Ali, Fox, and Loco, a sort of Boredwood view of a bad arse biker gang. Anyone get the idea Miner was already out of ideas in this his second F13th movie? About 90% of the flick is filler including Chris's dramatic encounter previously with Crystal Lake's most infamous son that goes absolutey nowhere.

Now I don't want to bitch and moan here about this venerable franchise that has a place in most horror fans' hearts, but did Miner set out to piss people off or does it come naturally? Most of the murders are simply rehashes of the ones in previous movies, and yes including Bava's Bay of Blood (1971) here. For example Debbie, after having sex hence so dead, gets a machete through the throat while in the hammock de love, hello anyone remember Kevin Bacon suffering a similar fate in the very first F13th movie? And to top off this heinous cinematic crime there's also a lack of flesh, though patient viewers will get a boob shot from Tracie Savage (Debbie) during a shower scene. I take it for granted most readers already know the script, acting, and about everything else is on the amateur side of the equation right? On the bright side of the machete the boom mike is kept out of frame, so that's something to cling to at least.

Okay just a sidenote here, one aspect I have never understood in Part 3 is the local grocery store, seems they have more than one around Crystal lake, place is absolutely thriving, not accepting food stamps. We don't have the stamp thing downunder so I may be missing something in translation. Vera and Shelley are at the store and Vera goes to pay for a couple of bags of groceries, only to be informed that the store doesn't take food stamps. Momentarily stumped, you can see the confusion on Vera's face, she finally asks Shelley for some money to pay for their purchases. Now I may be wrong here but Vera is latino, in the most awesomely unconvincing performance ever of an enthic minority role by an Actress, take a bow Catherine Parks, so clearly this food stamp thing is a latino orientated thing. If in the U.S kids just claim you are latino as they give you food stamps to purchase groceries with, now how cool is that!

Unfortunately I've been holding back on the two worse aspects of the movie folks, so I suggest you take a seat before we get into this. Ready, Henry Manfredini's awesome score, all about the ki ki ki ma ma ma, has been given a disco orientated update. What the frack! Were the Producers insane, were they on crack cocaine, did they honestly believe F13th fans would follow a viewing of this movie with doing the disco duck down the local night club! This almost amounts to sacrilege and I for one believe we need a good tar and feathering. It's such an insane idea that you are left wondering who the hell was stupid enough to agree to it. But wait there's more, clearly what the franchise needed was druggie humour, don't ask me why but we get Chuck and Chili and about a million dollars worth of dope for no apparent reason. The fact that our stoners are about ten years older than the kids, makes you wonder how exactly the two groups came together. Now right there is a far more interesting movie, was it like adopt a stoner weekend at the local high school or something? Anyways humour doesn't ensue as the Writers of Part 3 re-cycle every stoner gag ever seen.

In amongst the debris of the movie there are the odd moments that do make a viewing worth while, preferably after smoking whatever Chuck and Chili are hitting. Shelley, our odious comic relief for the night, doesn't get a Ted like get out of jail free card, much to the Audiences' approval. Actually after Puffin or Muffin, or whatever that fracking rat dog's name was in Part 2, Shelley is the most obnoxious character thus far in the franchise. And at 57:32 into the movie cinematic history Brothers and Sisters, Jason has the hockey mask on! Actually at the 58:56 mark Jason also has his trademark machete, our boy is tooled up for the Prom gang. I also found it awesome that in amongst the continuity issues, watch the backgrounds, hair style changes, and now you see them now you don't props, we also have a major manhunt that doesn't involve road blocks or any actual Police presence! I'm always up for slasher movies that simply doesn't operate in any form or reality, makes the enjoyment of the movie so much more fun.

Completely over my word limit here, I would just like to add that Vera should have been the final girl, and Andy's death is perhaps the most brutal thus far in the franchise. Did I appreciate the movie? Hell no it sucked, but I actually managed to rock on through it without spilling my wine or reaching for the eject button. That's got to be some sort of an achievement right?

ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ...

  Friday the 13th plumbs new depths of mediocrity