Talk us through itAVP:R hits out immediately after events in Paul W.S. Anderson’s 2004 first franchises joined at the hip movie. A deceased Predator has a chest bursting experience while the main Predator ship is leaving Earth. For reasons unknown, out around Saturn a smaller ship detaches and heads back towards Earth, and as Ripley can tell us any small detached ship is bound to have an intergalactic stowaway. The Strause brothers aren’t terribly good when it comes to time passing, but in what appears to about a nanosecond, the infamous PredAlien has grown to full size and starts to picking off Predator warriors. Naturally a Predator starts to react and is soon firing off that cool shoulder cannon thing, which is quite possibly not the best course of action as something integral to the ship’s functioning is soon rooted and the Predator ship crashes to Earth near the small Colorado city of Gunnison. Whether or not this is the smaller detached vessel or the main ship isn't clear, but hey that's a recurrent theme in this movie. The PredAlien and a whole bunch of face huggers manage to survive the crash, though a wounded Predator has time to dispatch an SOS/warning before becoming Alien tucker. A hunter and his son are the first to encounter Alien face huggers to their detriment, as the Alien plague starts to get serious. Meanwhile, back on the Alien homeworld a lone Predator Warrior, nicknamed Wolf on the net, decides to head to Earth to resolve a potential interplanetary issue. Why the main Predator ship takes no action is not explained, which could mean it was the one that crashed on earth. If so what happened to the smaller ship? Back on Earth, we meet our riveting main cast members. Dallas *groan* Howard is returning to Gunnison after three years in the slammer for I think breaking and entering, his brother, pizza delivery boy Rickey, has a thing for blonde hottie Jessie. Also returning to Gunnison is U.S. soldier Kelly, whose daughter Molly is not best pleased with mom being in the military. Add in a whole bunch of cardboard cut-out victims and we’re good to go. Alien plague increasing exponentially, Predator Warrior out to clean up shop, National Guard ready to restore order, and the government with a final solution. How on earth could they muck up this scenario? A particularly bad movie ensues. Ready to try and contain an Alien incursion?
Review“That's crazy. The government doesn't lie to people.” – DarcyMust admit that back in 2004 I was one of those people voicing disapproval over Anderson’s attempt to get an AVP movie happening. It looked shocking and came with a PG13 rating to boot. Over the years Anderson’s flick has actually grown on me to the point where I only faintly sneer every time I watch it. Actually, given my 12-year-old son is simply dying to see it guess another viewing isn’t that far away in my future. The things us parents have to endure, I’m telling ya. Anyway, when they announced a sequel and indicated an “R” rating was the objective my ears perked right up. Alien fans are eternally optimistic about someone being able to dig the moribund franchise out of the hole Fox managed to construct for it. The first indication that the forthcoming movie may not be the messiah we all hoped for was the appointment of self proclaimed fanboys the Strause Bros. Any true horror fan can tell you, horror fans don’t know how to make horror movies, exhibit A Rob Zombie. The next indication that all wasn’t roses in the state of Colorado was the first five minutes that leaked to the internet; it simply hit warp factor and didn’t stop, making you wonder if the directors had the collective wisdom to at least spell “pace”. Well I finally got around to watching the movie – I wasn’t about to spend $16 down Hoyts to see it – and my worst fears were effectively left in the dust; AVP:R makes Anderson’s first movie look like Oscar material in comparison. The Strause Bros. have turned in the worst entry in either franchise, and that would include the grossly underrated Alien Resurrection and Predator 2. Let’s go and do some slicing and dicing on this example of cinematic poo. As mentioned, the pacing of AVP:R is simply wrong. The brothers Strause seem to have this insane idea that if you rock everything up to the max then no one will notice all the plot holes and stupid movie making decisions that went down during the course of the film. The Strauses – is there a collective term like “an idiot” of Strauses? – are of course completely wrong in that assumption. When the Directors do take time out to introduce some character development, loosely termed, it has all the resonance of something happening on Ramsey Street. I was waiting on someone to pipe up with “flaming mongrel” at some stage. For U.S. readers just insert “Beverly Hills: 90210” in place of “Ramsey Street”. The directors, just off doing special effects on that box office titan The Invasion, that's sarcasm folks, simply seem incapable of getting either pacing – slow build, dudes, don’t go hell for leather there – or character development happening in any fashion. Simply put, neither Strause brother – collective noun “an incompetence”? – should be allowed in the director’s chair ever again. That’s how bad these guys are. So we have this fast-moving flick with paper thin characters going down and it goes off the rails completely from there. Paul W.S. Anderson got criticised for making a movie where it was too dark to see what was going down, but compared to AVP:R Anderson was filming at midday with dozens of spotlights on. You simply can’t see what’s happening in whole chunks of AVP:R; it’s probably just as well that you don’t care about the movie really or that could be very upsetting. If the Directors – collective noun “a braindead”? – can’t get something as simple as lighting happening then you are really left with a pig in a poke. Whatever the hell that means. So we have this fast moving flick with paper thin characters that doesn’t allow you to actually see what’s happening in many scenes, but surely it can’t get any worse? Well yes it can, friends and neighbours; the Strause bros – collective noun “a waste of space”? – managed to cock up the “R” rating as well. Generally an “R" rating gets tossed on a movie for language, and/or violence, or if you are particularly lucky, horror themes and concepts. There's also a good chance that good old T&A will make an appearance. AVP:R hits the “R” rating for language and violence. Firstly, where the hell the MPAA dug up the rating for language is anyone’s guess, you hear worse f-bomb usage in your local schoolyard, and to be brutally honest any five minutes of a Simon Wright flick. What I want to focus on though is the use of violence and in particular the totally inept display put on by both Strauses – collective noun “a wuss”? In the first five minutes, what looks like a nine-year-old ends up on the wrong end of a face hugger, and we know where this is going. Okay fine, as stated in previous reviews it’s a slippery slope to throw kids into mortal danger in a film unless you have a firm grip of the movie’s leash and can heel it. The Strauses, collective noun "a plastic fantastic"? - can’t and the kid’s death comes off as shock jock tactics in a similar vein to 101 other “horror fan” made flicks that simply don’t work. On any given day you can check out this material over at youtube. The Strauses compound the error of their ways by having a maternity ward in the path of the PredAlien, which can produce eggs in a fairly unique fashion. Once again, this is unnecessary to the plot development and you can almost see the Bros high fiving each other over what bad arses they are. Absolute fracking nadir film making, excuse my French, and an attempt to hammer the audience around the head. This stuff simply doesn’t work, since you don’t have anything invested in the victims then the Directors for mine came across as juvenile trash merchants that only a thirteen year old would think is rad. Anyone else sick and tired of Directors serving up lame action scenes? AVP:R goes the full hog with quick cutting, shaky cam, and the view being far to close to what’s going down. It’s simply confusing and I think masks an inability to get the choreography right. End of day you are left knowing this is a first up effort from both directors; they should stick to doing the special effects on movies bugger all people are going to bother catching. 
Finally, there’s a hint throughout the film that certain scenes are winking at previous movies in the Alien and Predator franchises; this was a real mistake as it only underlines how bad the one you are currently watching really is. Steven Pasquale (Dallas) does what he can do with his character, but considering the script and dialogue he needed to spout off, Johnny Depp would have been hard pressed to make it work. Reiko Aylesworth (Kelly) is a cut-priced Ripley and was totally inept. What the heck happened to the scene where she was firing the jeep mounted machine gun? – heck, I watched the Directors’ cut and it wasn’t even in this version. Another F.U. to Fox for including dropped scenes in the trailers. John Ortiz (Morales) didn’t sell me his character either, jeez there were some bad performances in this movie. Johnny Lewis (Ricky) was pretty ho hum through out and looks to have a bright future in daytime soaps to be honest. Kristen Hager (Jesse) was the token hottie and at least got that right. For an “R” rated flick AVP:R is surprisingly lacking in anything approaching T&A. Guys get Kristen Hager in a tight skimpy bathing suit, gals get the PredAlien totally naked through out. Brian Tyler did the score which at best is an homage to previous Alien and Predator efforts, don’t expect anything new but it kind of works for the movie.
Summary ExecutionAVP:R finally did what no other movie in the Alien or Predator worlds managed to do, it made me want to put the pulse rifle in the closet and say that’s enough Fox, we can’t take any more of these half arsed attempts at resurrecting the franchises. Quite frankly this is the worst movie yet in either franchise and makes Anderson’s previous effort look like it should have swept the Oscars. I was initially excited by a new “R” rated entry, but as stuff leaked to the net I become less enthralled, till finally I was simply caught in the headlights of a real bad DVD experience. Yes folks, for the first time ever I gave a theatre release of an Alien flick a miss and went with the home viewing option. This is simply inept moviemaking and the Strause Bros. need a smack in the mouth for delivering this steaming pile of doggy doo.The movie managed to make $41.7 at the North American box office and drew in a total of $128.9 worldwide which from memory means Fox made a slight profit out of the whole thing. Not bad for a movie that is pretty much universally despised by anyone over the age of 25. We exclude teens here as they will go and watch any old crap that Boredwood feeds them and demand seconds if there’s enough buzz going down. Once again from memory the movie made over $5 million Downunder, which given the genre is actually a pretty good, though depressing, result. Surprisingly for Australia, the film got a Boxing Day release date. Give this one a complete miss and if you really really need a fix then grab a copy of Anderson’s Alien v Predator as surprisingly that’s a much better film. AVP:R doesn’t respect its audience, has zero redeeming features, and smells of a studio trying to pickpocket its audience. Just pass on by this alien hitchhiker and pick up something better looking.
ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ... In the DVD store everyone can hear you scream, they simply don't care.
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