3D Piranha (2010) *Snap Judgement*

Director Alexandre Aja
Writers Pete Goldfinger, Josh Stolberg
Starring Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O'Connell, Steven R. McQueen, Jessica Szohr
Genre Creature Feature
Tagline This Summer 3D Shows Its Teeth
Country

Talk us through it

Spring break arrives in the sleepy township of Victoria Lake bringing thousands of college kids after beer, sex, and having a good time. Unfortunately following a fissure being opened under the lake due to a seismic tremor it also brings to the surface from an underground cave system thousands of prehistoric piranha after a smorgasbord of college kids. Guess the two don't mix, and this may impact on the wet tee competition!

With a steady mounting body count local Sheriff Julie Forester must close the lake, save her family who are out on a “girls gone wild” boat trip, and rid the world of a danger from prehistory. It's not going to be easy, but Julie has been checking out Sheriff Samantha Parker's moves over in Prosperity.

Fish n' Tits, I want another serve, bring on the sequel!

Review

“The piranha hunt in packs. The first bite draws blood, blood draws the pack.” - Mr Goodman

Alexandre Aja sure does know what makes a “B” grade creature feature tick. The enigmatic French Director, we'll forgive him for Mirrors (2008), shovels on the boobs, gore, and outrageous scenes in ever increasing doses to ensure we all get our money's worth from this remake in name only of Joe Dante's 1978 original. I went into the cinema hoping for a good time and walked out after the end credits buzzing with excitement and with the word “awesome” foremost in my mind. Aja turns on the best “B” grade creature feature of the year and arguably the best of the decade. The dude rocks, the movie rocks, I wanna go see it again! Lets fry us up some fish and see what might be lurking down below.

The Director opens his movie with one of the coolest riffs that has ever been committed to film, it's simply breath taking in it's audacity and putting the movie's heart on it's sleeve. Matt Hooper, credited and I guess we can believe survivor from Jaws (1975), is fishing for bass out on the lake. He clearly doesn't believe in keeping up with fashion as he's wearing very similar clothes to those he had on during the Orca's last ill fated voyage. Matt also believes in keeping the old tunes going as he's singing “Show Me The Way To Go Home” as he keeps beat with a beer bottle on the side of his boat. If you are thinking homage to Jaws, then hell yeah, Aja not only nods in that direction but takes the bus to down town Spielberg Americana. Actually the origin Piranha movie wasn't afraid to acknowledge it's influences either. For those who can remember Kaufman's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) and the fate of the lead character from the 1956 original, well 3D Piranha doesn't involve a mob and a truck, just thousands of blood thirsty prehistoric carnivorous fish. Who's ever going to get tied of typing that last bit!

Having established that blood will flow, and throwing on a jump scene that had me bouncing out of my seat, reference to Jaws should have seen it coming, Director Aja then backtracks slightly and takes things at a more leisurely pace, not forgetting to show ample amount of boob and setting up his characters along the way. There's a real feeling of 1980s creature feature going down here as Aja lulls his audience into a false sense of security before unleashing absolute mayhem in the final block of the movie. High fives all round to the Director for getting us up to speed with the main characters, this is actually pretty well crafted and superior to your run of the mill “B” grade outing of disaster. The Asylum really should take note of what can be done with minimum fuss and a well constructed script.

During our sojourn into the setting up of the beach that dripped blood, that scene had me pumped, total carnage by the way, the script writers do touch base with the plausible in order to sidetrack the sort of reviewer who likes to pick over the bones to find plot holes, and possibly mixed metaphors. The prehistoric carnivorous fish, surely love typing that, have survived via cannibalism and one assumes lower activity due to the cold temperature in their subterranean lake. There's certainly plenty of them and judging from those egg rafts a lot more where they came from. The character Mr Goodman supplies us with an “Idiots Guide to Prehistoric Piranha” and ensures we're good to go when the juicy stuff goes down. Isn't it amazing how in every “B” grade flick there's a local expert only waiting to help explain the current situation.

Without giving too much away Director Aja raises the “B” grade creature feature to almost an art form and shows a fundamental understanding of how over the top a film like 3D Piranha should be. The carnage is almost overwhelming, we're talking move body parts than a whole truck load of zombie movies, and goes beyond anyone's ability to criticise the movie for the amount of violence and gore. It's almost comedic in the share tidal waves of claret thrown onto the screen. There's more female flesh going down than a Friday night up King's Cross as Aja dials in one of the major components of exploitation movie making. No possibility of a female character not getting her top off is left to the imagination here, Mr Aja we salute you. And the topping on this particular ice cream sundae is the increasingly outrageous scenes that take 3D Piranha from run of the mill creature feature, through high farce, to ultimate awesome transcendency into something that is almost a new art form. We're talking Andy Warhol popular culture as a new visual medium here, Director Aja takes it to a higher plain, except he uses gore and boobs rather than Campbell soup cans.

Having now convinced most readers that we need medication, after all we are talking a movie about blood thirsty prehistoric carnivorous fish here, there were a few issues with the movie that while not overloading the good times were still notable. Guess we are getting spoilt for 3D movies recently, what with every second film now taking that route regardless of need, but 3D Piranha had something wrong in the first few frames. It took a couple of minutes to focus on the movie for some reason, rendering the initial medium and long range shots of the lake out of focus. I haven't noticed this sort of thing since the initial foray into 3D horror took in the early 1980s. Maybe we needed another trailer to get things happening or something, distracting in the first instance but not something that hung around from there.

Equally there seemed to be something of a Swiz cheese approach to the script, which once again could well be Director Aja channelling previous “B” grade outings. The obvious one was the rope used to pull a couple of the characters to safety. Wasn't said rope draped over and under various boat bits and did the rocks no longer count as a clear and present danger? There were a number of other moments that made me wonder if a more careful edit of the script might reap some sort of reward in logic flow, but hey were talking about a movie involving blood thirsty prehistoric carnivorous fish, logic for sure isn't a required aspect of the film.

In keeping with classic “B” grade moments of delight, sub plots also got raised and then dropped like a severed limb in a lake fill of blood thirsty prehistoric carnivorous fish. The clear conflict between Jake and a couple of his school mates raised it's head, then got dumped without any apology.

Moving onto our assemble cast of goodness then. Elisabeth Shue (Julie Forester) was pretty solid and continues the roll call of strong female characters in dark genre outings. Surprisingly she managed to keep her top on. Steven R. McQueen (Jake Forester) was pretty solid in a non demanding role that should keep the wolf from his door. And Ving Rhames (Deputy Fallon) is getting better with each outing, the dude rocks here, good use of an outdoor motor.

Guess I've already mentioned the movie is heavily going with the T&A requirements, hey full frontal nudity coming your way kids. Aja isn't holding back in Bro town.

Michael Wandmacher apparently provided a score but no one noticed it amongst the rock and rap numbers polluting the pristine wilderness. Guess it must have had one then.

Gorehounds are in for one hell of a treat with 3D Piranha, all sorts of bloody mayhem going down with Director Aja injecting more claret than you could reasonably expect in even a gorenography outing.

Summary Execution

I had a hoot and a holla with 3D Piranha, the movie keeping me entertained from first frame to final sequence. The “B” movie badge was worn with pride and I for one dug the over the top exploitation elements going down. We also surprisingly get some tension filled moments that had me on the edge of my seat cheering on the lead characters as they found these fish fingers bite back. There were a few weak elements but not enough to distract from the main course that kept me glued to the screen. Simply the best creature feature in quite a long time, bring on the sequel I'm there opening night. Actually I was there opening night for this one as well, maybe I should catch another screening.

Not much to report on the old box office results part of the equation, just opened kids. The movie has made a tad over $12 million up North thus far, early days, while overnight it made around 6K Down Under in preview screenings. So we're no talking a blockbuster here, but by heck Dimension have already green-lighted a sequel so how much didn't it cost to make!

On a weekend where horror is rampaging at the box office, four new movies and two hold overs, I'm telling you to take time out of your schedule to catch 3D Piranha, the movie rocks! One of those films that is so over the top that you can't help but enjoy yourself. Dial in, tune out, and have the time of your life. Dive on in the water is fill of blood thirsty prehistoric carnivorous fish and nekkid chicks.

ScaryMinds Rates this movie as ...

  Could well be the ultimate “B” grade movie.